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It’s important, right?  Because, really, you do judge a book by it’s cover.  You see that image, and it either draws you in for a second look or it doesn’t.  In the world of epublishing, it might be a little bit different but still…That cover, it makes a difference.

I have a release of a novella that’s still a good six months away, so it hasn’t gotten to the cover art stage yet.  But if I’m completely honest, I’ve always thought of what cover image I’d want to be on whatever I write.  Even those ones that never get past the beginning writing stages, my brain is imaging covers.

Things changed for me this past week.  I made the decision that I wanted to put together PDFs to post here.  Everybody loves free fiction right?  These were stories that I had already written and, though they needed work, I knew I was up to the task of editing them.  I’m in the process of cleaning them now, lots of scrubbing and editing, but sometime in the next few weeks, you’ll be able to click that Freebies page at the top and have several choices of free fiction to download for your very own.  While they will be free, there was no way I was going to put it up there until I make it the best it can be.  You deserve that, and so do I.  But that meant I needed covers too.  Which both thrilled and terrified me.

I love art, but I am not an artist.  What I can see in my head does not translate to the canvas.  I needed someone who had a artistic eye, someone I could trust who would see my vision and help me bring it to life.  I was scared about asking, I’m not going to lie.  But I did and the result is gorgeous.

I talked to Thorny Sterling about maybe doing a cover for me.  He was a dream to work with, listened to me, and really got what I was seeing.  Rather quickly, he was able to produce an outstanding piece of art for the cover of the first story.  Pretty soon, it’ll be there for you to enjoy.  But until then, take a look at what he created and designed for me, that brings a pivotal moment of my story to life.

Sometimes, when hurt is visceral and real, it’s hard to remember that I have a tool available to me that not everyone has. I’m a writer, and every experience I have is something I can use.

Everything that happens is fodder for the grist mill.

I’m not even talking about taking actual events and putting them in the page with my characters. Though, if I’m honest, that has happened in certain degrees too. But here I mean the emotions behind a situation. I can put my characters in different scenarios, ones I maybe have t experienced, but the emotion behind it is something I know intimately. And that right there is a gift. Because I can write it feeling real.

And if I’m completely honest, that helps me work through my own emotions as well. Giving my characters a solution that I maybe didn’t get it cathartic. Writing out the hurt and the anger and then making it okay, in the end, is something that soothes my soul. I’m lucky that way. I have an outlet and I intend to use it.

Side note: there’s a new page up there at the top. Freebies. I intend to add more as time goes on but for now, Christian and Tyler’s story, Meant To Be, is there as a PDF that, if you want, you can download and save for your very own.

I’ve mentioned before that I’m not much of a plotter. I get the idea in my head, I start writing, and then as the story progresses, I make notes and handwrite scenes I want to include that get tweaked when I put them on the page.

I usually write in first person, past tense. I’ve occasionally tried my hand at third past. (What I’m working on now is actually in third). But as I was writing my notes the other day, I realized something strange. Even though I almost always write my story in first, my notes are always in third person, present tense.

The note will readSeth looks around to make sure he’s alone but when I actually write it into the story? I looked around to make sure I was alone.

I’m not sure why this is. I seems that I should write my notes in the tense in which I’m writing the story. But I’m not going to look too in depth into it. It works, for whatever reason. And that’s all that matters to me.

I was worrying.  I was fretting.  It’s something that I do sometimes.  I get an idea in my head, and I can’t let it go.  So the fact that I couldn’t get any words on the page was upsetting.  More than that, I was worried about how I was going to write those words.  I would try, I would start, and I’d hate every single word that I had written.  Until I hit this critical mass point, and I couldn’t stop all my crazy from spewing out into an email to a friend.  He talked me down, and then he gave me a challenge.

And suddenly, miraculously, I put words on the page.  In an hour and a half, I wrote 2K words.  Just like that.   Like I hadn’t had a barrier in my brain that was causing me issues.  Like it was no big deal.

An assignment and a deadline was all it took to get me to have some motivation.  Suddenly, it all coalesced in my brain.  Some support to shore me up, and I was able to write.  And I’ve been able to keep writing, to keep the story going.

I think it probably happens to most writers.  Those days when nothing’s working right, when the story just isn’t happening.  I’ve had them before.  And it always sort of freaks me out.  All the what ifs start racing through my very over active imagination.  What if I’ve lost my ability?  What if I’ve lost all my ideas?  What if I can’t ever write another story again?

But the idea are always there.  They are always triggered by the weirdest things.  And sometimes they aren’t meant to be on the page.  But sometimes they are.  This time around, all I needed was a little nudge.  And fortunately, I had someone willing to provide it.

Sometimes, it’s easy to forget just how lucky I am.  But this will serve as a wonderful reminder.  And I’ll pull it out when the next slump hits.

Had a good day Saturday plotting and brainstorming and figuring out some changes that need to be made. It was wonderful and painful all at the same time. There are some things I want to change, and that is good. There are some things that need to change but I don’t want to do it, and that is painful.

I was all gung-ho to get on that Sunday. And then…well then I read instead. I just couldn’t bring myself to start the work. Not yet. Just a little bit longer. I need a little more time.

Pretty soon I’m going to have to make myself.

This is the part of writing where the hard work comes in. Where I have to let go of some of the words I’ve fallen in love with and find new ones. It hurts. But I know it’ll be a better story when I’m done so it’ll be worth it.

I just have to remind myself of that.

A couple of months ago, I submitted a short story to a sub call for an anthology. I waited. I fretted. And finally, I got word. They weren’t going to include it in the anthology, but instead asked me to expand it some so they could publish it as a standalone novella.

Needless to say, I kind of freaked out.

It was not a matter of just adding words and then sending it back in. The story was complete as it was. So I needed to figure out what scenes to add that would enhance the original story.

In the end, it took me four days to write a little more than 4k words. And there was a part of me that wanted to add more. But I had to tell the story that was meant to be told and I didn’t want to just add fluff or filler. When I was satisfied, I resubmitted it.

And it was accepted.

I’ll have details when release gets closer but it’s going to be awhile. That’s okay though. Because I have a novella that’s slated for release!

My head is doing that thing where it bounces from character to character, idea to idea and can’t settle on any one thing. It’s sort of a hard place to be for me as a writer. Because it usually means that I jump into something without giving it the proper amount of thought and then I get stalled out on a plot point that can’t be resolved.

I’m trying not to give in to that at the moment. I’m trying to keep my fingers off the keys and actually think about the story before I start writing it.

But it’s not easy. I’ve got at least 3 “brilliant” ideas right now. Lol. So I’m trying to work out the plots, and see which characters and which story are screaming the loudest, which ones are a complete story. And that’s the one I’ll work on next.

My head’s aspinnin’ and I need to settle it down. Because in anxious to start working on the next story.

See, I’m not the most patient of people. I get antsy. I get nervous. My mind spins in a thousand different directions. I’m not very good at waiting at all.

Being an author has tested my waiting skills in a way if never really imagined. Oh, logically I knew it would be there and try me, but I never really fully grasped just exactly how it would make me feel.

But wait I shall because there’s nothing else I can do. Just keep waiting. Eventually, the wait will come to an end, for good or for ill, and I’ll deal with that when it happens. The weight is heavy on my shoulders, but I can carry it.

Until then I apply Schroedinger’s principle: right now the book is both accepted and rejected.

So, it’s been a couple of weeks since I put up a post of substance.   There wasn’t even a flash fic this past Friday.  And all I can say is that life–that troublesome thing–has been getting in the way.  There has been much going on in my personal life that has prevented me from posting here.

But that’s not to say that I haven’t been writing.  Because I have.

As I made mention, I finished Beholden and I’m working on edits and tweaks now.  Soon, I’ll have to make some decisions about what I’m going to do with it, where I’m going to send it for consideration, and the like, but not quite yet.  In the mean time, I have broken ground on it’s sequel, though there’s no meter because there’s no real substance yet.  Only a couple of paragraphs and an incredibly talkative character.

I’ve also begun a new story, that I think will be a short, or possibly a short novella.  Those boys are pretty damn talkative too, and I have that entire story roughly plotted out.  Though I’m still not sure how many words it will take me to get the entire story on the page.  Once that’s done, I’ll have to make some decisions about that as well.

I hate making decisions.

But it’s good to know that characters are still living in my head, and on paper, and that I have a great deal of stories left to tell.  There were a few days there where I wasn’t sure.  Ultimately though, I’m committed to telling good stories, sweet stories, and watching my boys find their HEAs.

And soon I might have some news about new boys being out there for you to read.

Look over there.  No, to your left.  Down, down…see it?  That word meter that’s busting out the top?  First draft is in the bag!

Not that it’s actually anywhere near done.  And not like it’s actually the first draft.  Because I edit as I go, it’s more like the second or third draft.  But it’s the first time all the words are living on the page together.  It’s a good and accomplished feeling.

There’s a great deal of polishing and editing to be done.  It needs work.  But that’s okay, because I know it, and I’m prepared for it.

Of course, that’s not stopping my brain from moving on to the next thing.  And there’s actually a couple of “next things” in the pipeline.  And my brain can’t seem to decide what should be next up.  And when.  Have to admit, that I’d really rather there be too many ideas than not enough.

It’s always sort of a bittersweet moment for me when I complete that first draft.  Because it means all the plotting and planning and actual creating is done.  Now comes the hard work, the changes and the  fixes, the editing and the polishing, the working towards making it the best story I can make it.  Sigh, if only I were perfect and could write the perfect story on the first go.  I’m still waiting for the brain-to-computer interface that can take the story right out of my head and put it on the page.  Now wouldn’t that make life easier?

Until then, it’s all about the work. And hey, maybe someday soon, I’ll actually have a manuscript worth putting out there for public consumption.  Wouldn’t that be great? 🙂