Category: Serial

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Let’s see what Nico and Sean are up to in episode 3! (and thanks to a wonderful, kind tweet from Duncandahusky, I realized I have two Sean’s up on here. They aren’t the same! I just apparently like the name😊) Enjoy!**

Nico was quiet. Far, far too quiet. In a way that I had never seen from him since the moment we moved in. What was worse, he still couldn’t look at me. Even though we were eating, I still usually had his focus. But now it was a glance and gone again. And though, in the past, his intense concentration when we were together could be unsettling on occasion, now I missed it. And I really didn’t like they way it made me feel, telegraphing just how uncomfortable he was.

“Why are you so upset?” I made sure my tone was soft and non-accusatory.

“I don’t…I mean, I’m not sure…” He blew out a breath and pushed his plate away. He was mostly done with his food, so I wasn’t worried about him not having enough calories. If he was hungry again later, I’d make sure he ate. But right now it was obvious we needed to clear the air between us. I turned my chair to face him more fully and waited for him to get his thoughts together.

After several minutes of silence, which weren’t exactly comfortable, I could tell he had no idea what to say. It was up to me to get things moving. Things had gone a little sideways, and my normally self-assured, take charge wolf was at a loss. I needed to help.

“What do you know about human dating?”

Nico shrugged one shoulder, a quick motion. “Nothing.

“Okay.” I tapped my fingers on the table, then realizing I was fidgeting, reached out to him. Nico took my hand so fast I didn’t even register his movement. I smiled. “Usually, when a person is interested in someone, they make those intentions known by flirting. Suggestive comments maybe. Or sultry looks. Asking them out. Sometimes its subtle, sometimes it’s more blatant. Those would be the kinds of things that I would have been looking for.”

“Wolves don’t…I mean, I guess we do. Sort of.” Nico had to take a breath, but he finally was able to look me in the eye. And now that I knew to look for it, I don’t know how I missed it before. The warmth and affection in his gaze was clear. “But most of the time, with us, it’s another wolf. Scents inform so much for us that it’s easy to tell if there’s attraction. And when we meet someone who could be mate, we know right away.”

“Scents don’t lie,” I murmured, remembering back to the beginning. I scooted a little closer. “So you caught my scent and knew I was mate.”

“You smell like home.” His voice was so soft, I almost missed it. would have if I hadn’t been sitting so close to him. I was utterly charmed by his words, pleased down to my toes that I could be that for him.. But I filed that away for the moment because there was more to discuss.

“So all this time, all the things we’ve been doing together, the way you are with me, it’s because you knew I was your mate?”

Nico cocked his head to the side, all confused puppy. I loved it when he did that. He was so adorable and it always made me grin. But I tried not to let that sneak out right now because under no circumstance did I want him to think I was laughing at him. Instead, I knew I had to explain.

“See, I thought we were just friends. Roommates that got along really well in each other’s space.”

Nico’s scowl was quick and surprising. “So you just cuddle with all your friends? You let them touch you whenever they want? And hug them all the time?”

“I thought that was a wolf thing!” How was I supposed to know any differently? He’d always been tactile, and I chalked it up to him being a wolf shifter.

“It’s a you and me thing!” He sounded so indignant.

“Why are we yelling?”

Nico opened his mouth and then shut it again. After a second, he shook his head. “Okay, fine. I don’t understand humans all that well. And your rituals and customs or whatever. So I’m just gonna say it. I hate it when you’re not here. I worry about you all the time and I want you where I can touch you whenever I want. It soothes me to have you close and to snuggle into you and I hate when you go to bed and I have to sleep alone. So let’s just stop that, and just be together and I can cuddle you and love you and just take care of you.”

“Okay.”

“I know that for humans—what?”

I stood, walked the three steps to his chair, and touched the back of his neck. Nico immediately went still. When I nudged his knee he instantly spread them to make room for me and then wrapped his arms around my waist.

“Okay.” I repeated, stroking the short hairs on the back of his head. “That all sounds really good to me. Thank you for telling me what you want. I want it too. I’m gonna need more conversation, and you’re going to have to talk to me if I do something you don’t understand. But absolutely yes.”

Nico let out a long, slow breath and then gave a sharp tug so that I lost my balance. But he caught me and helped me settle on his lap. I wasn’t worried about being too heavy. He was a wolf shifter and far stronger than the average human. He could hold me with no problem. His warm brown eyes studied mine, and then a huge smile lit his face.

“Can we get distracted now?”

Instead of answering, I kissed him.

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Okay episode 2! To say Sean was surprised by Nico’s slip of the tongue… Let’s see what happens next. Enjoy!**

“Nico?”

The fact that he refused to look at me was concerning. Ever since the day we met, he always gave me his full attention—including eye contact—when I was speaking. But right now, he was doing everything he could to avoid me short of walking out of the room. When he finally opened his eyes, he kept his gaze fixed on the far wall. And when I moved so I was in his line of sight, he dodged. It was so unlike him I started to get worried.

I took a breath. “I don’t understand what’s going on. I need you to talk to me please.”

It took Nico a few minutes, but I was nothing if not patient. I tried not to let my anxiety get the better of me, because it would just set Nico off. But then I realized that maybe that was exactly what needed to happen. If he knew how much this was freaking me out, and he held to his usual pattern, he would do anything he could to soothe me. So I stopped trying to regulate my breathing and letting a calmer head prevail. The instant I gave myself the permission to freak out, I could almost feel my blood pressure rise.

Nico jerked his head up and then narrowed his eyes while taking a deep breath. A second later he was at my side, reaching for me. He stopped short of actually touching me, probably unsure of whether I would allow it now that he’d dropped his revelation. But I wanted snuggles, so I leaned in, and he quickly wrapped his arms around me.

I let out a shaky breath and gave him more of my weight. “So. Um.” I cleared my throat. “Mate?”

Nico didn’t reply in words. I didn’t know if it was because his wolf was still close to the surface, or if he just didn’t want to talk. But he let out a grumbly sort of growl that sounded like agreement to me. After a year of living together, I liked to think I knew his sounds as well as he knew my scents.

I kept my voice soft as I asked, “Were you going to tell me?”

“No. Yes. Maybe?” Nico shoved his nose against my skin, where my neck met my shoulder, and breathed deeply. That seemed to calm him some and he snuggled me tighter against him. “Probably. Eventually.”

That was a lot of words but I would have to trust that he was being honest. He’d never given me an indication that he would lie, so it was easy to do. Keeping this from me was a pretty big thing though, and if we had any hope of a future, we would have to sort this out between us before we could move on.

“And you haven’t told me yet because…” I lifted his head with a gentle grip on his hair so I could look into his warm brown eyes. Nico looked scared. I made sure there was no judgement him my tone as I added, “We’ve been living together for a year, you know?”

Nico huffed out a breath. “But you’re human.”

Oh. Oh goddess. Of course. My heart sank as I understood. I started to pull away.

“And you don’t want a human—”

“No!” His voice rang out, echoing in the kitchen. He could be really loud when he wanted to and I couldn’t help the flinch. Nico immediately shushed me, soothed me, not letting me go but no longer hanging on for dear life. “No, that’s not it at all. But you don’t feel the pull the way I do. You don’t know down to your marrow that I’m the right one for you. Not like a wolf. So I wanted to give you time.”

“Okay. But time for what?”

“To fall in love with me first.” The way he said it, so matter-of-fact, clued me in that he thought that was obvious.

I sighed, but it was more in exasperation than anything else. When the little crease between his brows appeared, I couldn’t help the chuckle.

“But Nico, dear, sweetie…you haven’t given me any indication that you were interested in me.”

The confusion only seemed to grow, his expression pinching further. “Uh, yes. I have.”

I thought back over our usual interactions. About the way he was constantly in my personal space and how he was always interested in my day to day life, the goings on, my mood and my emotions. About how intently he listened when I spoke and how helped me problem solve and vent when I needed to. About how he bought things he knew would make me happy. Could that be it? Did he think he was conveying his interest in me when I’d been looking for something else entirely?

“Okay. We clearly need to talk.”

The whine that escaped Nico was so distressed my heart dropped into my stomach. “What’s wrong?”

“When humans say that, it’s bad.”

It wasn’t funny, because he was clearly genuinely upset. But the absolutely pitiful way he whined that almost made me laugh. Instead, I pulled him in and did the cuddling for a change. He resisted, but only for a split second, before he let out a long breath that reminded me of a dog settling down.

“No, it’s not bad. Not this time. I just think we’ve had unintentional miscommunication. Because my human brain expects certain things, and clearly wolf shifter’s do things differently. Or maybe just you. And we just need to sit down and communicate clearly about things because Nico?” I stroked the back of his neck, and he turned his head just enough to peer at me with one eye. “I honestly had no idea that you wanted anything more than friendship, and I’ve been shoving my own thoughts and feelings way down deep.”

“Really?” he asked in a small voice.

“Really really.” I took a chance and kissed he cheek, and the satisfied rumble that rolled out of him made me grin. “But first, I need to feed you, because you need to replenish those calories.”

“Okay,” he said happily, snuggling in again. Which, to be honest, was a little awkward standing in the kitchen with him having a good six inches on me. And also he was still naked.

“And pants. You need to put on pants.” I gave him a little shake when he harrumphed. “Yes, put on the pants. I know you’d rather just prance around naked but there will be no distractions until after we communicate.”

“But then we can get distracted.” It was a declaration and Nico didn’t even give me a chance to respond as he loped off to go get dressed.

I watched him go, and then when he disappeared into his room, I allowed myself to simply breathe for a moment. Today had taken a turn I’d never expected. I’d honestly thought that Nico was nothing more than a good friend and excellent roommate, and I’d been so conscious not to do anything to jeopardize that. Now everything had shifted and I needed to get my head on straight.

Because I’d always wanted Nico. Deep down where I hadn’t let myself acknowledge it. Now things were different. Good different. At least I hoped so.

I heard Nico’s door open and I shook myself out of my thoughts. First, feed the wolf. Then we would talk. After that? Well we’d see.

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Finally a flash for you. It’s only been a month. I’ve been…the muse, when she appears, has had only very specific things to say. But I think she’s shown up for today, and we’ll see where this goes… Enjoy!**

It took me a surprisingly short amount of time to get used to living with a wolf shifter. I’d thought it would have been taken a lot, be a big transition, take time. I was purely human after all, not a magical cell in my entire body. And before I answered the ad looking for a roommate and moved in with Nico, I’d had very little contact with the paranormal world. Sure I knew, logically, that they were everywhere and probably dealt with them on a daily basis and never realized it. But in my personal life, everybody was human.

Nico changed all that, and now I was more entrenched in that community more than I ever thought possible. But living with him had been a dream. We got along great, we respected each other’s space and needs, and had very few problems. Nico’s house was big enough for the both of us and though he insisted he needed the help with the mortgage, which was why he’d gone looking for a roommate in the first place, I was pretty certain he just liked having another person around. He was ultimately a pack animal. Having someone else in his space made him feel connected or whatever.

We’d never actually discussed it. Not once in the year since I’d moved in. At first it had seemed to personal, especially when we didn’t know each other that well. But after a while, it didn’t even matter. I got a cheap place to live and a roommate who respected me, and he got what he needed as well. The only thing I’d ever asked him was why he’d so readily invited me to move in, after just a few minutes of meeting.

Nico had simply tapped his nose, given me a wink, and said, “Scents don’t lie.”

Which was how I learned just how sensitive a shifter’s sense of smell was, and how everyone gave off scents that clued shifters in to emotions and feelings. Apparently, the better a shifter knew someone, the better they could figure them out. All by smelling them. I’d gotten used to Nico sussing out my moods just with a big inhale. And the nosy way he’d press until he got me to talk.

Which was why I was desperately trying to calm down and get on an even keel before the Nico got back from his run and a big, gray wolf walked through the back door to smell me and start asking questions.

It turned out, I didn’t have as much time as I thought.

Nico had installed lever handles on all the doors so his big paws could get him in and out. When the back door bounced open, I squeaked and jumped up, all but racing over to the fridge to pull out ingredients. Maybe I could cover up my scent with garlic and onions?

“How about burgers?” I said, speaking far too quickly. I took a breath and pasted on a smile. “Big juicy ones with all the stuff you like? Won’t take but a few minutes to get them going.”

Wolf Nico huffed a breath and stalked forward. I wasn’t scared anymore, and that was a shame, because fear would have definitely drowned out whatever else he could pick up.

“No on the burgers? Beef stroganoff instead? I know how much you like that. We have the—Nico!”

Having a cold wolf nose pressed to the small of your back would startle anyone. He’s gotten his muzzle under the hem of  my t-shirt and was sniffing furiously, his breath wafting across my skin. It made me shiver. Nico ignored me and my attempts to push him away, snuffling and sniffing all over me. I finally managed to side step him and put some distance between us.

I ignored the fact that I’d only been able to do it because he allowed it.

Nico shifted back into his human skin, easy as anything, right there on the kitchen floor. Naked and panting, he took a second and shook himself, then stood. I’d long ago gotten over my human hangups about nudity, so it didn’t even phase me. Though I had to keep my eyes on his, because there was no doubt Nico was one hell of a beautiful man. That I would love to get my hands on sometime. Though I always did my best to keep those thoughts in check because I didn’t want to ruin what we had by getting any sort of romance involved. In this case, though, maybe I could use it to my advantage. Maybe arousal would cover up the other scents.

“Sean?” Nico’s voice was rough from the shift. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I assured him quickly. Too quickly, probably. I cleared my throat.

“Oh, so you’re lying to me now. Is that the thing we’re doing now?”

I scowled, because the droll tone was uncalled for.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. I promise.”

Nico stalked toward me, even measured steps eating up the floor between us, until he was right in my space. He wrapped a hand around the back of my neck, then slid his thumb forward enough to get it under the edge of my jaw. He used that to tilt my head up so his gaze met mine.

“What. Happened.” He bit out the words, all growly wolf and I probably shouldn’t find that hot. Probably shouldn’t be touched that he was so ready to defend and protect me. He was my roommate and nothing more.

But I couldn’t lie to him and he knew I was upset. Hurt, but not physically. Stressed and sad. He could smell it all and I should haven’t started cooking before he even came home, something pungent like that curry he liked or maybe 40 clove garlic chicken or—

Nico gave me a little shake, just enough to get me out of my head, and stared at me with his implacable brown eyes.

I sighed heavily, a gust of breath that came from my toes. “Cathy.”

That’s it. Just one name. And I didn’t need to say anything more. He knew about my impossible coworker who made my life so much harder. Of the way she tried to undermine and micromanage. Of how she gatekept knowledge and blew up when I made an honest mistake but if she did the same it was no big deal. Of how it made my work day stressful and made me anxious, since I was always walking on eggshells.

Nico growled, low and menacing. “I’ll kill her.”

I chuckled at that, though it was weak. “You can’t. You wouldn’t look good in orange.”

He squinted at me and pulled me even closer. I barely stifled the gasp. I loved it when he cuddled me.

“Quit that fucking job.”

I laughed again, this time a little more real. “I need a job, Nico. I have to be able to, you know, afford to live.”

“I’ll take care of you.”

Goddess, if only. I patted his chest and tried to pull away. I didn’t get far. So I smiled up at him. “That’s sweet. And I appreciate the thought. But I can handle it. It’s just frustrating. It’s not like I can actually live off you but it’s a lovely thought.”

“Of course you can. I can take care of you. You’re my mate.”

Nico went still.

I stared at him.

He stared back.

Neither of us spoke. Barely even breathed. Nico shut his eyes.

“Fuck.”

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Finally! A flash for you. What do you think, wanna see more of these guys next time? Enjoy!**

“Are you sure about this?”

I met my best friend’s eyes in the full-length mirror where, a moment before, I was on my third attempt to tie the bowtie, despite having practiced for the past week. It could have done with the nerves currently swirling in my gut and making my hands shake. I gave her a small smile.

“Yeah.”

Saoirse bit her lip, her brown eyes wide in her pale face. “But are you sure sure?”

I turned then, to face her full on, and took the jacket from her hands before she could crush the collar with her tight grip. She let it go without a fight and took several steps closer to me. Her hands trembled a little as she reached out and straightened out the tie.

“It’s not like I have a choice,” I said softly.

She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment, then took a shaky breath and opened them again. “We could run away.”

I chuckled and shook my head. “And what would your husband and child say about that?”

Saoirse wrinkled her nose. “Don’t be silly. They’re coming, too.”

I laughed then, a real laugh, and it broke the tension in the room. I cupped Saoirse’s cheek in my hand and then tilted her gaze up to mine. “I’m going to be fine. Really.”

“But you don’t even know him.”

“I know enough.” And that was true. Perhaps I’d only been promised to the Alpha of the West pack a month ago, and maybe we only had had a handful of conversations, but it was clear we’d get along fine. It wasn’t the marriage I’d dreamed about when I was young, but it wasn’t a bad match. And though I didn’t know Bryce Young well, I could tell he was a good man at his heart. I didn’t bother to say it out loud because she and I had that conversation before. Multiple times.

“I just worry.” Saoirse finished with my tie and then smoothed her hands down my shirt before taking one step back. She took the tuxedo jacket from me and then motioned for me to turn so she could help me slip it on. She brushed her hands along the shoulders, tugged on the hem, and then walked around me to fix the front. “You look very handsome, Ryder.”

“Thanks.” My voice came out a little scratchy and I cleared my throat. “It’s going to be fine. Bryce will be a good mate. He’s a good man. His pack is kind. And it’s not far. We’ll still see each other.”

“We better.” Saoirse tipped her head back and breathed hard through her nose to keep the tears at bay. “Let’s go get you married.”

I nodded but my feet seemed rooted to the floor. “Give me two minutes.”

She opened her mouth, but then closed it and nodded. “I’ll wait outside.”

I watched her go and only when the door was closed did I let out a harsh breath. I was a mid-pack wolf with no real prospects. Becoming an alpha mate would be a definitely step up. Not that that was the primary motivation for me to agreeing to the mating. My alpha had arranged the set up to forge an alliance between our packs. Bryce had made multiple visits to our pack, met with everyone, before he asked me, directly, if I’d be willing to accept his hand.

To be fair, arranged matings were archaic, but there were parts of wolf shifter culture that hadn’t yet gone away. The most sure fire way to align packs and create alliances was to intermingle members by mating. Like all wolves, Bryce was pansexual. But the fact that he’d chosen to mate with a cis male was rare. I couldn’t give him biological children, and most alpha’s wanted to that. We hadn’t discussed it, mostly because we hadn’t had a lot of time to talk, but I was sure that he’d use a surrogate if he was the type to want biological children.

A soft knock on the door interrupted my thought spiral. I wasn’t sure how I’d fallen down that path and it took me a second to get my mouth to work.

“Yes?”

“Ryder, darlin,” Bryce’s voice rumbled right through the wood and into my chest, despite the five feet separating me from the door. “Can I come in?”

“Uh…sure?”

The door creaked open and Bryce stuck his head in, smiling at me, before he slid in and shut the door behind him. He was tall, wide shouldered, and fit, which wasn’t a surprise given his status in the pack. He was handsome too, at least by my estimation, which definitely helped. I found him attractive, and knew that wasn’t going to be a problem between us. I really liked his smile, and the way it lit up his face. The way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he really meant it.

But most of all, I liked the sincerity in his voice when he talked about taking care of his pack. I liked that he was determined to see to the needs of his wolve above all else, and that when he told me of his plans, he asked what I thought and really listened to my answers. I liked that he wanted to include me in things and not just dictate how things would go.

“I wanted to check on you. You all right?”

Once again, my mind had wandered off. I smiled and I didn’t even need to force it. When Bryce stepped in close and slowly reached out, telegraphing his actions, I let him take my hand. The warmth strength there was somehow reassuring.

“Yes.” I squeezed his hand. “You look amazing.”

He didn’t preen, as most alphas I knew would, but his gaze brightened. “It’s you who looks amazing. You’re so beautiful. I noticed it right away. It drew me to you.”

“Oh,” I said, on an exhale. Really? How did I not know that?

Bryce’s grin turned a little wry. “Did I not tell you that?”

“Not in words.” My voice was soft, and I unconsciously stepped closer to him, until there was barely an inch between us. “It’s good to hear.”

“Well.” Bryce grinned, and cupped my cheek. “I’ll make sure to tell you more often then. You should know, without a doubt. But it’s not just your looks though. You know that right? Talking with you is a treat. I think, together, we’re going to have a great life.”

My heart cracked, but not in a bad way. More like it was expanding, making room for this man standing in front of me. It might not an ideal situation, or the one that I dreamed of, but everything seemed to be lining up just as it was supposed to.

I lifted his hand and kissed the back of it.

“I think so, too. Let’s go get married.”

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Here it is! Episode 9 and the conclusion for Rowan and Luca. It’s been a ride, and went places I didn’t expect, but now they’re settled. Or at least getting there! We’ll start a new one soon, but in the meantime, enjoy!**

Flash Fic Friday

I closed the door behind Agent Willis and let out a sigh, leaning against the cool wood for a moment. It didn’t take a whole second before Luca was behind me, gathering me into his arms and holding me tightly. I turned in his arms and rested my head in the crook of his neck. It was as though the spot had been made for me since my forehead fit there perfectly.

Luca rubbed my back but didn’t say a word, just held me and let me breathe. It was what I needed. The interview had lasted hours, Agent Willis had done his best to be kind and gentle with his questions. His partner hadn’t shown up with him, and I’d let him record everything. Before he turned on the device, he implied his partner wasn’t as compassionate as he was. Or maybe empathetic was a better word. Either way, I appreciated that he took care to ask me what he needed to but had been kind about it.

“You okay?” Luca’s voice rumbled through his chest, and it comforted me even more. I snuggled in closer, though it wasn’t really possible, and then squeaked when he picked me up. It startled a laugh out of me and I clung on while he walked the few yards to the couch and sat, settling me half across his lap. 

“Eh. I don’t know.” I took a few moments to really take stock of my emotions, then pursed my lips. “Is it weird that I feel kind of, I dunno, relieved?”

“No.” The firmness in his tone made me smile. “It’s not weird at all. You’ve been in fight or flight for most of your life. It has to be a relief to know your abusers can no longer hurt you. Or anyone else, for that matter.”

I squinted one eye at him. “You’ve been talking to Tenley, haven’t you?”

He shrugged one shoulder, not the least bit ashamed. Not that he should be. Our pack counselor was as wise as she was fair, and had a way being blunt without being harsh. Without her, I wouldn’t have made the progress I had.

“She’s going to not so gently insist I see her regularly again for a while.” I sighed, but I wasn’t upset. Right this moment, I was okay. But I was sure that wouldn’t last. I licked my lips. “I might, uh, have a little bit of a setback. So just, you know, you need to be—”

Luca stopped me with a quick kiss. “Sidestep, not setback. Healing isn’t a linear process. See her as much as you need to.”

I smiled then. He was so supportive, and I appreciated it so much. But then a thought struck, and I sat up straighter, grabbing his biceps.

“Luca, you have to…I mean…” I stopped and took a breath. “Yes, this brought up a lot for me. And it’s going to be rough for a bit.” I paused again, squinting as I thought. “Though probably not as bad as before, since I’ve come along way. But what I’m trying to say is that if you need some time for yourself, or a break or—”

“We aren’t breaking up!” It wasn’t a roar, exactly, and time was even that much would have made me flinched. But it was Luca, and I trusted him, so I didn’t.

“No, no,” I soothed. I loosened my hold and started petting. “That’s not what I mean. But your mental health is as important as mine, and even though I’m a little broken—”

“You aren’t broken!”

I continued like he hadn’t interrupted. “Doesn’t mean that I take priority. Remember? So if you need some time for yourself, I want you to take it, okay?”

He made some grumbling noises but didn’t say anything as he gathered me in close again. He stuck his nose against my neck, rubbing and scenting me. I just smiled and held on, let him do his thing, because I knew there was a comfort in that for him. When he was done, he adjusted our positions until he was lying down and I was lying on top of him.

For a few minutes, we just stayed like that, breathing in sync and listening to the ambient noises. Luca hand creeped in my hair and started rubbing my scalp. It was so soothing that I almost nodded off. I knew that was part of the stress of the day, the high emotions crashing down, but the rest was all him and the contentment I felt in his presence. A couple of months ago, I wouldn’t have expected that. Wouldn’t have believed it even. But the time spent with Luca had changed it all.

“Rowan?” his voice was barely above a whisper. 

“Hm?” I stretched a little, then snuggled into a more comfortable position.

“I love you,” he murmured, tone sure. “Just want you to know.”

“Mmm. That’s good.” 

“Yeah?”

“Mhmm.” I kissed his collar bone. “Because I love you. And it would suck if it was just me.”

Too quick to track, Luca flipped us over, so I was on bottom, and he was crouched over me, staring into my eyes. I smiled and reached for him, putting my hands on his face just so I could touch him. When he bent to kiss me, it was sweet and loving, with just a hint of the passion he’d shown me before. I was ready to take it there, but he pulled back before I could. I wasn’t worried. I knew we’d get there soon enough.

Then he settled his body weight on me, and the deep pressure relaxed me even further. It was like my own personal weighted blanket, but with the exact right amount of pressure, and I sighed happily.

This was just the start of us, and it wasn’t always going to be easy. But I knew it would be good and exactly what we both needed.

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Episode 8 for Rowan and Luca. It’s been a journey, and I’ve missed a week here and there, but here you go. There’s one more episode after this. Enjoy!**

Flash Fic Friday

It wasn’t exactly surprising that Luca’s Jeep was in my driveway. Over the past few months, he’d been here more often than not. He claimed he liked my house better than his, but I just thought he liked to spend time with me and knew I was more comfortable in my own space. He didn’t seem to care where we were though, so I didn’t worry about it. It had taken time, but we were pretty good at communicating, and I trusted him to tell me if that change.

That being said, I wasn’t sure why his Jeep was in my driveway now. I’d been out running errands, but Luca was working today. Or at least I thought he had been. If his grumbles this morning as he forced himself out of my bed were anything to go by, then he and his crew had a lot of work to do on the house they were renovating, and I hadn’t expected him to be back until early evening.

The timing of his return was suspicious.

It could be that they’d actually finished early. Or run into a problem that stopped their work for the day until it got resolved. Hell, it could be that he just decided to cut out early to spend some time with me. Except he’d never done that before because Luca was too dedicated to his work. So it probably wasn’t that, no matter how much I wanted it to be.

Even though the logical part of my brain tried to tell me that it was most likely one of the former reasons—since odds were it wasn’t the latter—my rising anxiety immediately jumped to worse case scenario. Panic burbled in my gut, making my stomach ache in that way it did. I had to swallow hard just to keep myself breathing normally.

I had groceries in the car, but I was too anxious to bring them all in, so I just grabbed the cold bag that contained the refrigerated and frozen items from the seat beside me and rushed into the house. The front door was open, but the screen door had a tendency to stick, so I fought with it for a second before I managed to yank it open.

“Luca!” I dropped the bag and headed toward the living room

“In here.”

“What’re you do—” I sucked in a breath as I rounded the corner and saw not only Luca sitting in his favorite recliner but my alpha perched on the edge of the couch. Both men held themselves stiffly, concern etched into ever line of their body. My heart went wild, adrenaline bursting through my veins. “What’s happened?”

Luca tried for a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. He held out a hand. “Come here. It’s okay, baby.”

My legs shook but I managed to make it across the room and take his hand. When he tugged me right down onto his lap, I went, even though I didn’t really fit. I wasn’t worried about being too heavy for him. It took a little finagling before we were comfortable.

“What’s going on?” I asked and my voice shook but I didn’t care. Luca’s arms tightened almost to the point of pain, but the deep pressure helped to settled me. I had a feeling, just from the look on Tom’s fac, that I was going to be needing a lot of that.

“I hope I didn’t overstep by calling Luca and asking him to be here. But I felt you’d want the support.” Tom’s voice was gentle. “I received a visit from the MBI. A Special Agent Willis. He came to speak to me about your former pack.”

For a second, I couldn’t breathe, but then Luca nuzzled my neck and held me even tighter, and air moved through my lungs again. I nodded, a jerk of my head, and Tom let out a breath.

“He would like to speak with you, but he allowed me to talk to you first. Not that he had a choice. I’m your alpha.” The possessive and protective growl in his tone helped me relax even further. I tried for a smile.

“What happened?” I’d asked it before, and I appreciated Tom’s attempt to ease me into things, but it was making my anxiety worse. Luca lifted his head, and I felt more than heard the growl, but Tom put him in his place with a look.

“He and his partner were investigating your old pack due to a death—”

I let out a mirthless snort. Tom quirked an eyebrow. I gave as much as a shrug as I was able due to Luca’s tight hold.

“Death is nothing new in that pack.” My voice wasn’t as strong as I wanted it to be, but it was no longer shaking, and I called that a win.

“Perhaps.” Tom let out a sigh and clenched his hands together. “The death was a daughter of another pack, though. She was kidnapped and tortured before being beaten to death and left in a field. She was found two days later, and an investigation was immediately launched. It didn’t take long to find the culprits. Or to have them remanded to custody.”

None of that surprised me, exactly, even though it was horrible. I always knew my former alpha and his cronies were capable of such things. I just didn’t think they’d be so stupid as to do it to someone who wasn’t pack. If it was a wolf under the alpha’s control, he could almost always explain away the damage. But a wolf belonging to a different pack? That was another matter entirely.

“Who?” I had to clear my throat. “Uh, did they tell you who was arrested?”

“The alpha, two betas, and several other pack members.” Tom’s voice was low. He looked me straight in the eye. “Including your mother.”

I sucked in a breath as emotions warred within me. Most of me was fiercely glad they’d been arrested. Since the MBI was involved, chances were good that they’d not only be held accountable but that they’d get the harsh punishment they deserved. But there was also a part of me that was sad the woman who gave birth to me had been involved in it.

“Baby?”

I gripped Luca’s hands tightly where they were crossed over my chest but didn’t take my gaze off Tom. “Good.”

Tom studied me for a long moment, and then some of the tension left his body. “You don’t seem surprised.”

It wasn’t a question. I answered it anyway. “I’m not. Or rather, I can’t believe that they took the violence to an outside pack like that. But that they were capable of it? That’s not a shock.”

“Even your mom?” Luca’s voice was soft and his breath tickled the skin of my neck. I shivered but shook it off.

“The woman who birthed me was indifferent at best and cruel at worst. She allowed this to happen to me and others without doing anything to stop it. She didn’t even try. And it’s not because she was controlled like the rest of us.” I breathed deeply, using my coping techniques. I consciously let some of the tension go. I wasn’t in that place anymore, hadn’t been for years, and I was safe and secure now. Especially with Luca’s arms around me. “You said the agent wanted to talk to me?”

Tom took a moment to make sure I was actually okay. Then he nodded. “He’s willing to wait until you’re ready. He understands the trauma you’ve experienced.”

“Can, um, can Luca be there with me when I talk to him?” I gulped. “Or you?”

“He can just try and stop me,” Luca growled and then bit my neck. Not hard, it was just a nip. Just letting me feel him so I knew he was there. As if I could miss it. I turned my head to nuzzle his cheek.

“Are you up to speaking with him?”

I nodded, squeezed my eyes shut, and took a breath. “Yeah, okay.”

“All right.” Tom stood. He walked right over and cupped the back of my neck, rubbing his fingers and leaving his scent. “I’ll let him know.”

“He’s still around?”

Tom nodded. “He is. I’ll give you some time then send him over.”

With another squeeze to my neck, he left. Luca didn’t even wait until the door shut behind Tom before he turned me around and cuddled me in close. For a long moment, he didn’t say anything.

“Tighter,” I whispered and Luca squeezed so hard I could barely breathe. It was perfect.

“You okay?” He murmured into my ear.

“No.” I made it a point never to lie to him and I wasn’t going to start now. “But as long as you stay with me, I will be. Eventually.”

“Not going anywhere.” Luca’s voice was quiet but full of conviction.

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Episode 7 is finally here. Sorry for the delay. Sometimes the boys just don’t want to talk to me, or other things get in the way. But our wolves are back and they have one more episode after this. Enjoy!**

Flash fic Friday

I was out watering the garden when I heard him. I kept my gaze focused on my task, but I dialed up my hearing, tracking his movements. Luca wasn’t trying to be quiet, and I smiled even though I didn’t turn in his direction. He was so good about letting me know exactly where he was at all times, so he never snuck up on me. And that took effort, because as wolves, we were naturally stealthy.

He came up alongside me, and I still didn’t turn, but I knew he could smell how happy and content I was. I wanted to see what he would do.

“Hey.” Luca’s voice was soft and low. He stepped closer, then behind me, and wrapped his arms around me, hugging me. I tilted my head, exposing my neck, and I shivered when he bents and kissed my skin. “Whatcha doing?”

I snorted a laugh and lifted the nozzle of the hose high, because I thought it was pretty obvious what I was doing. Luca playfully nipped my skin, a reprimand for my cheek that he wasn’t serious about. His amusement came through clearly in his scent.

“I meant when you were done.” Another nip to my neck, this one lower down, right at the juncture of my shoulder. A frisson of arousal shot through me, and I let out a little gasp that made Luca chuckle wickedly. I dropped the hose and turned in his arms, wrapping my own around his neck and pushing against him. 

Luca rumbled out his approval, pulling me even closer, so our bodies fit together perfectly. He pushed my hair back with one hand, then settled that same hand on the back of my neck. The arousal was still simmering, but it was pushed back but the happy hum of contentment at just being held. At being looked at like I was important and special. And as much as I wanted to jump his bones—especially because we hadn’t gotten that far yet—I was just as happy to stand there and let him hug me.

“I can be done,” I murmured, pushing up on my toes so I could reach his jaw. I kissed him there, lingering a little, and then settled back down and tucked myself tighter against him. He pushed his face against my hair at my temple, scenting me. 

“Wanna shift and run with me?” He grinned, then waggled his eyebrows, making me laugh. He kissed the smile off my face. He pulled away gently, adding a few quick pecks, and then lifted a brow as he stared down at me.

I was breathless when I answered. “Yes, please.”

He released me so fast I almost stumbled, but he was there to steady me. then he started stripping, dropping his clothes where he stood. I rushed to catch up, but stopped in the process of unbuttoning my jeans when he whipped off his boxers, whirled them in a circle and tossed them away. I didn’t know whether to laugh or moan, and in the end, the sound I made was a mixture of both.

Luca took a step toward me. I couldn’t tear my gaze from his body, all sleek muscle, toned and cut, and golden skin. He was simply breathtaking, and my libido reminded me that it did, in fact, exist. And was very healthy. I licked my lips, Luca’s expression turned heated, and he stalked closer a few more steps before freezing. I jerked my gaze to his, but he just smirked, shook his head, and dropped to one knee to let the shift overtake him.

Ah well. He was probably right. If he came closer, we’d never get to run in our fur, and we both needed it. Besides, I loved running with Luca. He made it fun and joyful, while also making me feel wholly safe and protected. I quickly got rid of the rest of my clothes, a little less carelessly than Luca had, then shifted. It took me longer than him, and by the time I was shaking my fur to settle it, he was sitting next to me. I approached, head lowered, and he licked my muzzle then rubbed against my face and neck, leaving his scent all over me.

I loved it.

He yipped and took off, and I raced after him. Wherever he went, I followed. Any time he stopped to scent the air or investigate an interesting smell, I did the same. He lead, and I was only to happy to follow.

Eventually we made it to a clearing on the far side of pack territory. I wasn’t tired, exactly, but we’d come a long way and I was pleasantly fatigued. I sat on my haunches and panted as Luca inspected the the entire space. Then he found a shady spot under a maple, laid down and yowled out a sound that I clearly understood.

Come here.

I obeyed, eager and happy, and pushed against him. Luca didn’t move, but he did give me the side-eye. I huffed out a wolf-version of a laugh, and he grumbled, so I pushed against him, tucked myself into the curve of his body, and laid down as well.

There was no denying his contented sigh. I echoed the sound.

Behind me, Luca adjusted until he could get one paw over my shoulders. I pushed in tighter. Only when we finally settled did a realize that we were cuddling there on the ground. Wolf cuddling. I’d never done it before. Not like this. I’d settled into a wolf pile before, of course. Wolves were tactile in any form. But this, with Luca, was something else entirely. It was intimate and comfortable, and meant more to me than I even could words to.

I breathed out, Luca set his bit head on top of mine, and cuddled together, content and happy, I fell asleep.

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Episode 6! Rowan and Luca are back again! Things are moving in the right direction for these two, but we’re not done with the heavy emotion yet. Make sure you click on the tags if you need to catch up. Enjoy!**

Flash Fic Friday

Dinner had been good, filled with nice conversation and comfortable silences. I liked that neither of us felt we had to fill silences, and that we were able to just sit in each other’s company. Ireally liked the way Luca looked at me. Like I was something precious. Now that I new what to watch for, it was plain as day. The soft affection in Luca’s expression, in his eyes, warmed my insides. Made me feel good. Special.

After Luca paid the bill—he’d insisted, but I hadn’t fought too hard—we decided to take the long route back to my house in order to further enjoy the weather. I didn’t hesitate to slip my hand into his, and I loved that his big, warm, calloused palm felt so good against mine. 

The sun was creeping below the horizon, washing the sky in dusky purples and pinks and warm gold. With that came a chill in the air, and I absolutely used the opportunity to snuggle closer and steal his warmth. Shifters in general ran hot, and I wasn’t exactly cold myself, but Luca was emitting heat like a furnace and I loved that.

Luca let out a contented growl and wrapped his arm around me. I stumbled, but he held me up, and it only took two steps for us to fall into sync again. I couldn’t stop the happy little hum, and didn’t even try. I wanted him to know just how much I was enjoying this.

“Rowan, let me ask you something.” Luca blew out a breath. “And you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to or you’re not ready, okay?”

I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. I had a feeling I knew where this was going, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk about it. But Luca had a right to know, because this thing between us wasn’t casual and if my baggage was going to be too heavy for him, then I needed to know now. I didn’t think that would happen, but you never knew.

“Okay.” My tentative tone couldn’t be helped. 

“Okay.” It took him a second to continue on, and he held me a little tighter before he spoke. “I know your previous pack was…not good. But will you tell me what happened? Just as much as you’re comfortable.”

I snorted out a small laugh. Not good was an understatement. And he’d put the qualifier on there. He was such a sweetheart, and for just a second, I had a pang in my heart that I hadn’t realized that before. I mean, I hadn’t been ready for anything before, but I still felt like we’d wasted time. 

I didn’t say anything for a long moment, trying to sort out how I was feeling. I caught sight of the park ahead and I gave him a gentle nudge in that direction. It had some pretty paths to walk along, but really, I was aiming for the bench next to the willow. It was one of my favorite places in the world, so peaceful and calming, and I needed that right now.

Once we were settled, I snuggled back in. Luca let out that happy grumble again, and I threw one leg over his knee just so I could get closer. Luca seemed perfectly happy with that, placing his warm hand on my thigh.

“So, I was born into that pack, you know that right?” I peeked up at him and saw his nod, so I fixed my gaze on the middle distance so I could tell this story. I couldn’t get the words out if I was looking at him. “The alpha was a tyrant, to put it bluntly. He was mean and abusive. He ruled by force, physical I mean, and he didn’t hesitate to beat us whenever he wanted. For any infraction, real or perceived.”

This time, Luca’s growl was decidedly not happy, and even though I still couldn’t look him in the eye, I patted his chest to try and soothe him. He tugged me in even tighter, and it was as though he was using his very body to protect me.

“I learned early on to make myself small, to be as unobtrusive and unseen as possible. It didn’t always work, and we never knew what would set him off. I never knew.” I had to work to not get lost in the memories, to not let the emotions overwhelm me and pull me back. Taking a few seconds to just breathe helped. The way Luca’s scent filled my nostrils helped even more. Deciding that was enough information for now, I settled my forehead against his neck. “But I got out. I ran when the opportunity presented itself, and ended up finding a bear shifter that helped. She contacted Tom and…”

Luca slid a hand up into my hair, rubbing my scalp at the back of my head. It was so soothing I had no trouble breathing, and I made a mental note if I needed to talk about this in the future, that snuggled up and half in Luca’s lap was the best way to do it. He kept me calm and grounded.

“Anyway, lots of therapy and the support of a good alpha, and I’m okay now.” I huffed out a breath and made myself look up, so I could see his eyes. “I’m still a work in progress. PTSD and trauma response don’t just go away. But I’m better.”

Luca moved slowly, telegraphing his motion, but I wasn’t scared of him and didn’t pull away. He cupped my cheek with his other hand. His thumb made soothing circles against my skin.

“Thank you for sharing that with me.” His voice was a low rumble that made me want to crawl into his chest and live there. “I know it wasn’t easy. And I promise you right now, I’ll do everything I can to help you.”

I smiled. “I know. You’re actions have shown that.” I leaned forward, bringing our lips closer. My body was warm, and not just because of the heat he was putting off. The more I got to know him, the more I wanted him. I licked my lips and watched his expression turn wicked.

“Kiss?” His breath was a hot wash against my skin.

“Please.” It was almost a whimper.

Luca kept control, keeping the kiss sweet and easy. Gentle, but deep, making sure I felt all of it. He tasted like steak and beer and him, and I wanted to roll around in it. It was everything a first kiss should be, and set my soul on fire.

We pulled apart just as the sun set completely, disappearing completely. I was breathing hard, more from the emotions than the kiss itself. Luca didn’t say a word, just tucked me back against him. And we sat there cuddled up as the world went dark and the stars came out.

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Saturday Edition! Sometimes, the words just aren’t there when it’s time for an update, but I didn’t want to leave y’all hanging, and my mind was occupied yesterday. So! Here’s episode 5 for Rowan and Luca. As per usual, I’m not sure how long this is going to be. Enjoy!**

I wasn’t nervous. I had been earlier, when I thought about a date with Luca. But now? Now I was just excited. Okay, so there were still a little bit of nerves fluttering in my belly, but they were the regular kind. The nerves that went along with excitement, of not knowing exactly what would happen, and wanting it to go well.

Because now I knew that Luca’s interest wasn’t new. That he’d been watching out for me for years. And that might have been creepy, except he’d never pushed, never demanded. Just quietly took care of things, and me, without ever expecting anything in return. Hell, he hadn’t even let me know how he felt, because he didn’t want to put any pressure on me.

He’d said as much, back on the porch, but until my conversation with Tom earlier today, I hadn’t really understood. Hadn’t really believed it, I guess. For most of my life, I’d been conditioned to think and feel a certain way about myself and the people around me. And it had taken long years and a lot of hard work to get past that. I still wasn’t completely there, but trust came easier these days. As did healthy ways to process and cope. I still had set backs. Yesterday’s panic attack was proof of that. But I was okay today because of all the work I’d done.

I was able to go to dinner with Luca today, and trust that he had my best interest in mind, because of that too.

So when the knock sounded, I all but raced to the door to answer it. And when Luca smiled at me, I grinned back. I didn’t hesitate to give him a once over—head to toe—taking in his big, muscled glory and his nice clothes and his styled hair. I didn’t even try to hide the big inhale as I took in his scent. And I didn’t question the happiness and excitement I caught from him.

“Hi.” My voice was a little breathy, but I didn’t care. “You look amazing.”

Luca preened a little, and by the glint in his eye, I knew he was showing off  just to get me to laugh. But then his smile turned soft, and he took a step closer.

“Thanks. But it’s you who looks great. Damn, but you’re beautiful.”

With how soft his voice was, I wasn’t sure he meant to say that out loud. But he didn’t seem embarrassed, and even though my first instinct was to dismiss the compliment, I checked that impulse and thanked him instead.

“Where are we going?” I asked, as I stepped out onto my tiny porch and pulled the door shut behind me. I’d already triple checked that I had my wallet, keys, and phone. But I couldn’t help patting my pockets one more time just to make sure.

“I thought Michelle’s.” Luca turned so we could stand beside each other. “It’s a nice night, and it’s only a few blocks over. I thought we could walk, enjoy the weather.”

I nodded my agreement and followed him off the porch. I liked that he stopped when he hit the sidewalk and waited for me to step up even to him. Then he fidgeted for just a second before holding out his hand. I appreciated that he hadn’t just reached for me, that he was giving me the option. And I only hesitated a second before sliding my fingers along his. His skin was so warm, and there were calluses on his palm, but there was a strength there I enjoyed. And I knew he’d never use that power against me. I felt it down to my bones.

We walked for a moment in silence. It wasn’t exactly awkward, but I could sense that there was something he wanted to say. Those previous nerves fluttered and grew just a bit. But I waited to see what it was, and hoped he’d get to it soon.

It was only another minute before Luca sucked in a breath. “I’m really glad we’re doing this, Rowan.”

Uh oh. “But?”

Luca shot me a look that lasted only a second before he faced forward again. He squeezed my hand. “No but. Well, a sorta but.”

I laughed, sure he was trying for amusing. “Okay. What’s the ‘sorta but’?”

“I’m nervous.” He gave a embarrassed kind of chuckle as he glanced at me again.

“Me too,” I admitted, keeping my tone soft. “Why’re you nervous?”

Luca shrugged one massive shoulder. “Because I’ve wanted this for a while, and I really want it to go well. Because I don’t know how to navigate your trauma to make you feel safe and comfortable, and I don’t want to do anything to upset you or trigger you. Because you’re beautiful and kind, and I’m just me.”

“Hey.” I stopped, and so did he. But he wouldn’t look at me. So I tugged gently on our still joined hands so he would face me. It took him a second, but then he met my gaze. Steady and strong, but I definitely saw the apprehension lurking there. “I appreciate the honesty. And I appreciate that you want to take care of me and make me feel safe. But here’s the thing. A relationship is two people, right?”

“Or more.” He gave me a wink which made me laugh. Then he got serious again. “But right. You and I are both in this.”

“Right. So I want you to remember two things. Are you listening?”

Luca’s lips twitched like he wanted to smile, but he kept his face very serious. “Yes.”

“Good. Thing one is that your feelings are just as valid as mine, and you have to be honest and open about them. You do not get to bend over backward or mask your own emotions just because you want me to be happy. That’s not fair to either of us.”

For a long moment, Luca didn’t say anything. And though his expression didn’t change, I could see the reeling of his mind in his eyes. So expressive. I’d have to remember that, now that I knew to look. I could clearly see that he didn’t want to agree, that he thought his own feelings should take a backseat to mine. He was a caretaker at heart, so I understood it, but it wasn’t something I would allow.

“Okay,” Luca finally said, his tone not quite solid. We’d have to work on it, but I’d take his agreement for now.

“And the second thing is, I’m going to get trigger.” I said it quietly, and I stepped in closer to him as I spoke. When I reached with my other hand, Luca was quick to take it. “Whether by you or something else, it’s going to happen. Yesterday proved that. I’ve done a lot of work, but there’s still more to do. But I know you’ll be there to support me, and help me out of a panic attack if that happens again.”

His eyes blazed with conviction as he said, “Damn right I will.”

I held his gaze as I lifted one hand, kissed his wrist, and then settled his hand against my neck. Luca’s breath caught when I tilted my head, giving him access, and though it took him thirty seconds, he finally cupped my skin, rubbing gently, scent marking me.

We both released a gusty sigh, and all I wanted to do in that moment was cuddle into him and let him hold me. The thought took my by surprise. Because even though I mentally trusted him, I hadn’t been sure the rest of me was on board. Clearly, I was all in. for a moment, I contemplated voicing that, but then realized I wasn’t quite ready to do that. So we stood there on the sidewalk for a long few minutes, just breathing the same air, his hand warm on my neck.

“All right,” Luca whispered, and he reluctantly pulled away. With our hands still joined, he gave me a tiny tug and we started walking again. “We both promise to be honest with each other then.”

It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway. “That’s the only way this works.”

“I agree.” He tucked me in against him, and I loved the warmth and the closeness.

“So tell me,” I said, trying to keep the happy sigh out of my voice, and going for conversational instead. “Just how long have you been pining for me?”

He groaned, but it was playful, so I let my cackle loose. Luca shook his head, but when I peered up at him, he was grinning. I laughed harder when I saw his cheeks color.

Yeah, we were going to be just fine.

Flash Fic Friday, Serial

Flash Fic Friday

Kristbethke

**Episode four of Rowan and Luca. Late again, but I had to sort out what was going on with Rowan. Enjoy!**

I wasn’t surprised that Tom came by to check on me. He was the best kind of alpha, the kind that took care of his pack, so when he showed up at my door, I released a breath and leaned into his touch. The scent marking soothed my soul, and when he pulled me into a quick, tight hug, the last of the tension left me. 

I was surprised that the first thing out of his mouth was, “We need to talk.”

Just that fast, panic started to coil in my gut. But Tom knew me well by now, and he slid his hand to the back of my neck and squeezed tightly, holding on, which steadied me. He ducked his head so he was staring into my eyes.

“Nothing bad. Breathe, Rowan. I’m sorry my choice of words was triggering.”

I tried to wave it away. “It’s fine.”

He shook his head, a little frown marring his face. “It’s not fine. I need to be more careful with my words with you.”

“You shouldn’t have to walk on word-eggshells with me.”

Tom’s smile was kind. “No, but because I care about your well-being, it’s important that I be conscious of my words and actions.” Another pointed look. “We should all have those considerations for each other, yeah?”

He was right, of course. And that’s was yet another reason he made a good alpha. Another reason I was glad that I’d gotten out of my old pack and that Tom had taken me in. Taken care of me until I was on my feet again, and made sure I had the time and therapy to heal. 

I took a few breaths, using my coping techniques until I felt steady again. Then I was able to pull away and offer him a genuine smile and something to drink. He declined but headed for my living room. By the time I followed him in, he was already making himself comfortable on my couch. Oh. So this was going to be one of those kinds of talks.

I reminded myself, yet again, that I was safe with him. Usually, it wasn’t a challenge. But since the panic attack yesterday and the ensuing feelings, everything was closer to the surface than usual. The run had helped. Luca’s attention had helped.

“I wanted to check in with you, see how you’re doing.” Tom’s tone was conversational, and I was adept enough at reading people to know it was deliberate. It came from a lifetime of figuring out people’s tones on the fly, needing to know how I had to react to them in order to keep myself safe. 

I appreciated his effort nonetheless. “I’m fine.”

He quirked a brow. “Really?”

I almost chuckled at the disbelief in his tone. “Really.” I shook my head and blew out a breath. “I’m not back to baseline yet, but I’m getting there. Fine is an apt descriptor.”

Tom laughed then, and he relaxed even more. “Good. I’m glad to hear it. Now. You okay about Luca?”

I froze for a second, not sure how to respond, but then decided I would go with politely puzzled. “What about him?

Tom just stared at me. Just stared, no expression, blue eyes piercing me from where I sat across the room. I knew he wasn’t disappointed, just waiting me out, but I didn’t squirm and I didn’t break. I had far too much practice at being still and quiet, going unnoticed and unseen. 

“Rowan.”

Oh right. Tom always saw me. No matter what. He saw everyone in the pack, all the time. He knew us inside and out, because it was the only way he could see to our needs. I’d…not forgotten, because I could never forget, but falling into old patterns was easy when I was coming back from trauma response.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I couldn’t look Tom in the eye, but I knew I didn’t have to. “He was really good to me and he said some…stuff. But I’m okay.”

“What stuff?”

“About his….feelings.”

Tom was so quiet for so long that I eventually looked up. Tom’s lips were quirked up in a small, and he had his hands clasped over his stomach. He held my gaze for a moment, making sure he had my attention, before he spoke.

“And what are your feelings about his feelings?”

“I don’t know yet. I don’t know him well enough,” I said, because I could be nothing but honest with my alpha. “But we’re going to dinner tonight to get to know each other better.”

“Good.” Tom’s satisfied tone made my eyes widen. I opened my mouth to ask what that meant but before I could get the words out, he spoke. “Luca is a good man, with a good heart. And he’s been pining for you. I’m glad you’re taking the time. And you can trust that he’ll respect any boundaries you set, all right?”

Pining? Really? Luca had been pining? How had I not seen that? Not noticed? I mean, granted, I hadn’t always paid attention to Luca. But Tom had clearly seen it. Was it because he was that in tune with his packmembers? Or had Luca been obvious and I’d just been freaking oblivious?

I nodded in response to my alpha’s question, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around words, so I didn’t say anything. Instead, my mind raced back, trying to think of all the interactions I’d had with Luca over the past few years. There hadn’t been many, really. We’d always been in the same room when the pack gathered, but direct interactions? There’d only been a handful of times, really.

Like about a year ago when the door had slammed, and I startled and nearly fell off the front stoop and Luca had been there to steady me. Or when I’d been sick with Lycan influenza six months ago and he’d dropped off soup and drinks a few times. Or both times a group of us had gone into the city to hit up the clubs and he’d put himself between me and rowdy, handsy patrons. Or the time the storm tore the shutters off the front of my cottage and they magically replaced themselves, fixed and repainted, before I could even think to fix them, and I’d seen Luca later with a smear of the same pale blue paint on his hands.

Oh. Oh.

I smiled then, warmth filling my belly. It helped, too, that my alpha approved.

But yes, I definitely had to get to know Luca better.