Month: March 2022

**Episode four of Rowan and Luca. Late again, but I had to sort out what was going on with Rowan. Enjoy!**

I wasn’t surprised that Tom came by to check on me. He was the best kind of alpha, the kind that took care of his pack, so when he showed up at my door, I released a breath and leaned into his touch. The scent marking soothed my soul, and when he pulled me into a quick, tight hug, the last of the tension left me. 

I was surprised that the first thing out of his mouth was, “We need to talk.”

Just that fast, panic started to coil in my gut. But Tom knew me well by now, and he slid his hand to the back of my neck and squeezed tightly, holding on, which steadied me. He ducked his head so he was staring into my eyes.

“Nothing bad. Breathe, Rowan. I’m sorry my choice of words was triggering.”

I tried to wave it away. “It’s fine.”

He shook his head, a little frown marring his face. “It’s not fine. I need to be more careful with my words with you.”

“You shouldn’t have to walk on word-eggshells with me.”

Tom’s smile was kind. “No, but because I care about your well-being, it’s important that I be conscious of my words and actions.” Another pointed look. “We should all have those considerations for each other, yeah?”

He was right, of course. And that’s was yet another reason he made a good alpha. Another reason I was glad that I’d gotten out of my old pack and that Tom had taken me in. Taken care of me until I was on my feet again, and made sure I had the time and therapy to heal. 

I took a few breaths, using my coping techniques until I felt steady again. Then I was able to pull away and offer him a genuine smile and something to drink. He declined but headed for my living room. By the time I followed him in, he was already making himself comfortable on my couch. Oh. So this was going to be one of those kinds of talks.

I reminded myself, yet again, that I was safe with him. Usually, it wasn’t a challenge. But since the panic attack yesterday and the ensuing feelings, everything was closer to the surface than usual. The run had helped. Luca’s attention had helped.

“I wanted to check in with you, see how you’re doing.” Tom’s tone was conversational, and I was adept enough at reading people to know it was deliberate. It came from a lifetime of figuring out people’s tones on the fly, needing to know how I had to react to them in order to keep myself safe. 

I appreciated his effort nonetheless. “I’m fine.”

He quirked a brow. “Really?”

I almost chuckled at the disbelief in his tone. “Really.” I shook my head and blew out a breath. “I’m not back to baseline yet, but I’m getting there. Fine is an apt descriptor.”

Tom laughed then, and he relaxed even more. “Good. I’m glad to hear it. Now. You okay about Luca?”

I froze for a second, not sure how to respond, but then decided I would go with politely puzzled. “What about him?

Tom just stared at me. Just stared, no expression, blue eyes piercing me from where I sat across the room. I knew he wasn’t disappointed, just waiting me out, but I didn’t squirm and I didn’t break. I had far too much practice at being still and quiet, going unnoticed and unseen. 

“Rowan.”

Oh right. Tom always saw me. No matter what. He saw everyone in the pack, all the time. He knew us inside and out, because it was the only way he could see to our needs. I’d…not forgotten, because I could never forget, but falling into old patterns was easy when I was coming back from trauma response.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, I’m okay.” I couldn’t look Tom in the eye, but I knew I didn’t have to. “He was really good to me and he said some…stuff. But I’m okay.”

“What stuff?”

“About his….feelings.”

Tom was so quiet for so long that I eventually looked up. Tom’s lips were quirked up in a small, and he had his hands clasped over his stomach. He held my gaze for a moment, making sure he had my attention, before he spoke.

“And what are your feelings about his feelings?”

“I don’t know yet. I don’t know him well enough,” I said, because I could be nothing but honest with my alpha. “But we’re going to dinner tonight to get to know each other better.”

“Good.” Tom’s satisfied tone made my eyes widen. I opened my mouth to ask what that meant but before I could get the words out, he spoke. “Luca is a good man, with a good heart. And he’s been pining for you. I’m glad you’re taking the time. And you can trust that he’ll respect any boundaries you set, all right?”

Pining? Really? Luca had been pining? How had I not seen that? Not noticed? I mean, granted, I hadn’t always paid attention to Luca. But Tom had clearly seen it. Was it because he was that in tune with his packmembers? Or had Luca been obvious and I’d just been freaking oblivious?

I nodded in response to my alpha’s question, but I couldn’t wrap my brain around words, so I didn’t say anything. Instead, my mind raced back, trying to think of all the interactions I’d had with Luca over the past few years. There hadn’t been many, really. We’d always been in the same room when the pack gathered, but direct interactions? There’d only been a handful of times, really.

Like about a year ago when the door had slammed, and I startled and nearly fell off the front stoop and Luca had been there to steady me. Or when I’d been sick with Lycan influenza six months ago and he’d dropped off soup and drinks a few times. Or both times a group of us had gone into the city to hit up the clubs and he’d put himself between me and rowdy, handsy patrons. Or the time the storm tore the shutters off the front of my cottage and they magically replaced themselves, fixed and repainted, before I could even think to fix them, and I’d seen Luca later with a smear of the same pale blue paint on his hands.

Oh. Oh.

I smiled then, warmth filling my belly. It helped, too, that my alpha approved.

But yes, I definitely had to get to know Luca better.

**Episode 3 for Rowan and Luca. At least one more part after this but maybe more. We shall see. Check the tags to catch up if you need to. Enjoy!**

Nothing beat running in fur. There was a lot of things I loved to do in my human shape, but sprinting through the woods, wind ruffling my fur, four feet pounding against the ground as the scents and sounds really came alive was the best feeling ever. In my shifted form, my animal instincts ruled, though my very human brain still added input. It had taken years to find the balance and be comfortable with it.

Luca led the way and I dutifully followed. Not only because he was the more dominant wolf, but because I simply wanted to. We raced through trees and underbrush, sides heaving as we ran. Hitting the far edge of our territory, we looped back around, slowing some, until we reached the creek. Human me would never drink from the water, but wolf me thought it was crisp and cool, soothing my parched throat. When I was finished, I lay down on the edge of the bank. Luca pushed closer, his muzzle bumping mine. Then he lifted his head sharply, paused, then took off.

I got to my feet, listening, trying to figure out why he’d run. But before I could parse it out, he returned, a dead hare hanging limply in his jaws. Human me would be repulsed, but wolf me eyed the kill with hunger. But I sat and waited. Luca was more dominant than me, he got to eat first. And if he chose to eat it all—there wasn’t much to a hare—then I’d have to hunt my own food.

Luca approached slowly but deliberately, and laid the hare at my feet. He backed up two paces, then sat quietly and watched me. I tilted my head and whined. This was his kill, not mine. I couldn’t eat it. Luca huffed, and then let out a soft yowl. When I still didn’t move, he came closer and nudged the hare. Then he licked my muzzle and stepped back again.

It took a few more seconds for my human mind to figure it out. He was feeding me. He wanted me to eat his offering. There was a significance there, I knew, but I couldn’t quite remember why. Luca laid down, gaze fixed on me, crossing his front paws. Waiting.

I ate. Bite after bite, with him watching me all the while, until half the hare was gone. Then I brought it to him, making sure he had food too. Instead of going after the food, he cleaned my muzzle. Only when he was satisfied, did he eat the rest of the hair until there wasn’t much left to the carcass. When he was finished, I returned the favor and cleaned him. His tail thumped the ground and he let out a happy little whine.

I was inordinately pleased he was happy.

He stood, then rubbed his body along mine. Both sides and under my neck. Until I smelled like him as much as myself. Luca stuck his nose in my fur, snuffled for a moment, then let out a small bark. I didn’t dare move. But he gave me a gentle nip that got me on my feet and when he took off back the way we came, I ran after him.

Luca took a more direct route back to the pack house, so we were there in no time. He stopped by his pile of clothes but I continued on, back through the still open door and onto the porch. I shifted back to human, something that always felt like a loss. Some people preferred one shape over the other, and while I didn’t really, being in fur was more of a comfort than being in skin. Once the shift was complete, I dressed quickly and was just tugging my shirt into place when he came back in.

He gave me a soft smile. “Feel better?”

I nodded. “Luca—”

“Let me get you some more water and food.” He strode toward the house door. “You need it after your shift.”

“Luca.” My voice held a note of desperation. Confusion too, if I was honest. But it did the trick, because he stopped. He didn’t turn, but he paused at least. I took a breath. “You fed me.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s kind of a big deal.” I padded closer, my feet still bare, and even though he tensed, he still didn’t move. Didn’t walk away, but didn’t turn around either. “It’s important.”

“You needed it.” His voice was so soft.

I reached out, moving at a snail’s pace, and touched his shoulder. He jerked, a tiny movement, but didn’t pull away or shrug me off. I stepped closer so I could see his profile and put my other hand on his arm. Luca’s eyes slid closed, and he looked as though he was doing everything in his power not to move.

“Talk to me?” It was a request, because I wasn’t in any position to demand. Not only because of our places in the pack, but because I was still confused. Because of the pack I’d been born into, because of how I—along with so many others—had been treated and raised, there were nuances I didn’t understand. But back in skin, with the animal part of me receded to the background, I was able to think clearer. And I knew this meant something monumental. He was taking care of me. He fed me.

Luca looked at me then. Actually turned his head and met my gaze. And I didn’t understand everything I saw there, but I got the longing. The affection. I sucked in a breath, and Luca shuttered his expression, but when he tried to pull away, I held on tighter. He froze, then gusted out a sigh.

“You needed to heal first, before I could say anything.” His voice was still that soft, barely audible tone, but I had no trouble hearing him.

“Oh.” It was all I could get out.

Luca cut his gaze away. “If you don’t want…if you aren’t ready….” He snapped his gaze back to mine, eyes blazing. “I would never force you.”

I smiled then, because that, at least, I was sure of. “I know that. But as for the rest?” I shrugged one shoulder, trying for winsome but not sure if I succeeded. “I don’t know what I want. I don’t know you well enough yet.”

For a long, tense moment, Luca didn’t say anything. Didn’t move. I wasn’t even sure he was breathing. But then he inhaled sharply and reached out. Slowly and telegraphing his every movement, so I could pull away if I wanted. I didn’t. and when his finger made contact with my cheek, I leaned into the touch.

Luca’s voice was a deep rumble when he spoke. “Let’s change that, hm?”

“Let’s.”

**Here’s the second episode for Rowan and Luca. Better late than never. And there’s more to come. Hope you enjoy!**

Luca held me tight as he led me to the back porch. It was enclosed, but as soon as he sat me on the rattan couch, he opened the windows, muttered something about fresh air, and turned around and walked out. I stared after him for a long moment, confused. He’d been so intent on taking care of me and then just left? Well, it was fine. Being by myself would work too.

But before I could even really complete the thought, he was back. He had a bottle of water in one hand and a clearly wet cloth in the other. Gingerly, he sat beside me, handed over the water, then lifted the cloth and ever so gently wiped the sweat from my face. I was too stunned to speak, let alone react, so I just allowed him to, staring at him with wide eyes.

He gave me a gentle smile and my breath caught, because I’d never seen that expression on his face. The smile became a tiny smirk, and he gestured to the bottle.

“You should drink.”

My motions were automatic, no thought involved, as I cracked open the top and took a few swallows. The cool water soothed my throat, and I realized how thirsty I was. I tipped the bottle more, ready to down the whole thing, when Luca closed his big hand over mine.

“Take it easy. You don’t want to get sick.” Luca’s voice was low, and the timber sent a shiver through me. I managed to check it.

I cleared my throat. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

Luca quirked an eyebrow. “You want me to be mean?”

I almost laughed, because I liked his playful tone and the banter was helping me to feel more settled. Usually I liked to be by myself after a panic attack, but having Luca here was helping.

“No, of course not. But just…” I blew out a breath and fiddled with the label on the water bottle, not able to look Luca right in the eye. “I’ve been here for three years, right? And we’ve never had a real conversation.”

Luca tipped his head, studying me. “Yeah, I guess so. I mean, we’ve talked.”

“In passing, sure.” I twisted the cap off, then back on. Did it again. After the third time, Luca covered both my hands with one of his. Then he ducked his head to catch my eye. “I’m okay.”

A nod. “You will be. It didn’t last as long as the last one.”

I startled at that, pulled away and Luca let me. I scooted back into the corner of the couch, staring, and Luca’s expression went blank. For a long few minutes, we both just breathed. Then I found my voice.

“I wasn’t aware that, uh, you paid, um, that close attention to me.”

With a small, quiet sigh, Luca closed his eyes. A moment later, he opened them then slid off the couch and onto one knee. He did his best to appear small, but it was absolutely impossible. He was just a big guy, broad and tall, and even crouched down, it didn’t dimmish that. But I appreciated the effort. 

“Does that make you uncomfortable?”

I let the question hang there for a moment while I contemplated that. My first reaction was to immediately deny it, to soothe and placate. But that was my old conditioning, and I’d learned better now.

“Uh, maybe a little. I mean, we’re a pack. We all look out for each other.”

The sound that escaped Luca’s throat sounded a little pained. I didn’t now what caused it, how my statement hurt him, and I was trying to decide how to ask, or even if I should, when Luca spoke instead, his voice so soft I might not have heard it if I hadn’t had enhanced hearing. 

“That’s not why.”

“What?”

Luca shook his head. “Do you want to talk to me about what happened? What triggered you?”

My stomach knotted. I really didn’t. It was stupid, to begin with. There was no reason for it. It had just been a motion, caught out of the corner of my eye, and it sent me into a spiral. I knew I was safe and protected in Tom’s pack. I should be fine. But as my therapist reminded me, trauma response was not logical.

Luca took my silence as an answer, and he didn’t force me to talk. Instead he laid a hand on my knee and squeezed gently.  “Will shifting help? I know it always helps me feel more settled.”

The change of subject was abrupt, and for just a split second, I almost asked him to explain. But I wasn’t sure I wanted to know, so I went with it instead.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, it would be good to but in fur for a while.”

Luca stood so quickly it startled a gasp out of me, but Luca ignored that. He shot me a grin and it transformed his whole face. He always had an intimidating air about him, but with that huge smile, I could see something else. Something softer he didn’t usually let us see. 

“You shift. I’ll leave the door open. I’ll meet you out there in fur and we’ll go for a run.”

“Luca—” but he was gone, out the door and jumping the three steps to the back lawn. I lifted up enough to watch him as he began to strip—it was always easier to shift while naked—and his back was an expanse of smooth skin and rippling muscle. I dropped back down quickly, needing to take a second to collect myself.

Luca had turned my perception of him on it’s head. And I wasn’t sure if it was because I was still shaken or for some other reason, and I didn’t have the mental capacity to figure it out right now. And I hadn’t been lying when I said shifting helped. Being able to run in fur, to let the animal side of me have control and let the human thoughts recede went a long way to helping me feel whole.

So I stripped off my clothes, dropped to all fours, and let the shift overtake me. a few seconds of pain, then my pain receptors turned off, and it was nothing more than the tug and pull of muscle and bone, tendons and sinew, as I changed shape.

Once it was done, I shook my fur to settle it into place, lifted my nose to catch Luca’s scent, and bounded out the door after him. Everything else could wait.

 

**Welcome to another Flash Fic Friday! Today we start a new story, and it’s going to have a least a few parts. So follow along as Rowan finds his HEA. Enjoy!**

The thing about a well-functioning wolf shifter pack was that the alpha was in charge, but didn’t abuse that power. The alpha takes care of the wolves in their protection, supports them, and lifts them up. They don’t lord their power and control over their packmembers. 

I knew first hand how being in a pack with a controlling, power-hungry alpha could be.

But that was my past, and now I’d found a good pack. One where the alpha and alpha-mate did everything they could to take care of us. Made sure we were safe and healthy and had what we needed. And took care of us when we were in trouble.

“Rowan, you need to breathe.” Tom’s voice was deep and held that note of alpha power I couldn’t ignore even if I wanted to. And since he didn’t, because I trusted him, I took a breath.

It hurt. But when I sucked in air, I realized how fuzzy my head was getting from the lack of oxygen. Tom’s touch on my neck centered me, and when I breathed again, his scent soothed me even further. Fur and forest and citrus and cotton. The breath after that was a lot easier, and the more I focused on moving air through my lungs and my alpha in front of me, the better it got.

Panic eventually receded enough that I could focus on things outside of myself. Half the pack was crowded close, but still giving me room. Tom’s mate, Josiah, was crouched closer still, and I realized his hand was on my shoulder.

“That was a bad one, huh?” Tom’s voice rumbled, gentle and soothing. I nodded, and fought the blush that wanted to crawl up my neck. I was too old to turn red with embarrassment, and I knew, logically, that a panic attack was nothing to be embarrassed about. But I was. 

It had been years since I left my old pack. Years since I’d been at the mercy of an abusive alpha and his cronies. Years of time and work and therapy. Years of being safe and cared for in Tom’s pack. I should be over these attacks, over the trauma response when a small thing triggered me. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, still not really having a voice. 

“None of that now.” Tom smiled and then ran his hand and wrist over the side of my neck, marking me with his scent. Reminding me I was his. I needed it right now, and I let out a grateful sigh. Tom’s smile grew. “You’re okay.”

It wasn’t a question, but I answered anyway. “Yes, alpha.”

Tom clucked his tongue, but it was playful, and we all knew he didn’t stand on ceremony. Titles were unnecessary with him. With all of us. We were a pack, and though Tom took care of us all, he didn’t see himself as better than the rest of us. 

I’d done good finding him when I finally escaped my past. 

The pack broke up, now that they knew I was okay, and the murmur of voices built as they rejoined their conversations. The insidious part of my brain tried to tell me they were all talking about me, judging me. I did my best to silence that voice. 

Tom stood, then held out his hands and pulled me up. I was shaky, but steady enough, so he stepped back. He didn’t take his eyes off me, even as Josiah stepped forward and marked me as well. When Josiah offered a hug, I leaned into the alpha-mate’s hold easily. He let me hold on until I was ready to let go. 

When I stood on my own, I felt more centered. Though I was covered in a clammy sweat and I desperately wanted some time on my own to clean up and just…decompress. Tom lifted his head, gaze searching, and then he motioned to Tenley. She nodded and turned in our direction, but before she could get far, Luca intercepted her and beelined right for us.

I sucked in a breath. Luca was big, broad shouldered and tall. He exuded confidence, and if he wanted to be, he could have run his own pack. He was decisive, blunt, and a little abrasive. The commanding air that surrounding him was a little intimidating. I didn’t know him well, but I trusted him because Tom did, even though he made me nervous.

“I’ve got him, Tom,” Luca said, his voice that deep rasp it always was. His gaze was fixed on me and he stepped right into my personal space. I fidgeted, and glanced at Tom. The alpha looked at us both, studying us for a long moment, and then he stepped back with a nod. 

Luca put his arm around my waist, tucking me into his side. Without conscious thought, I leaned into him. My blood hummed and something settled in my chest. I’d never felt anything like this, and I couldn’t even begin to explain it. I barely knew this man. We’d never really had a true conversation in the years I’d been here. The pack was large, and we ran in different smaller circles. But in his arms, tucked against his heat, I felt safe.

Luca leaned down, and his lips brushed my ear. “I’ve got you, Rowan. You’re just fine.”

I shivered. I had the inexplicable urge to curl into him even more. I knew that I could have just cuddled into him and he wouldn’t have hesitated to pick me up and carry me. For a split second, I had the almost irresistible urge to test it.

I didn’t though. 

I leaned my head on his shoulder and let him guide me out of the room, trusting him to take care of me. I didn’t understand it. It didn’t make sense. But I couldn’t spare the brain power to figure it out right now. Later. I would think about it later.

I stumbled, but Luca kept me steady. His big hand soothed up and down my back, then he pulled me in closer. I let out a breath. It was going to be okay.