Month: May 2023

**Episode 7 and the second to last episode. Next week, we’ll have the conclusion (god willing and the creek don’t rise). I’m already a day late with this one, but sometimes that’s how life goes. Enjoy!**

Eoin sat through prep and cooking, helping when I asked and staring at me with both hope and trepidation in his eyes. Focusing on the meal wasn’t the easiest thing, but I needed the time to just ignore the “big thing” for a while. It was my go-to method of dealing; pretend it didn’t exist for a bit until I was ready to handle it.

But cooking and eating only took so long and before I was ready, everything was cleaned up. I stalled as long as I could, shooting glances at Eoin. He was being patient, never pushing, and I figured it was better to put us both out of our misery. We needed to talk, and it wasn’t anything bad, so why was I worried about it?

“Wanna walk with me?” I asked softly.

Eoin hopped up, his smile tentative but there. Surprisingly, he waited for me to take the lead even though he was practically vibrating. It was easy enough to take his hand, and as soon as I did, his entire body relaxed. His hand was big and warm, enveloping mine, and when he twined our fingers together, I couldn’t help the smile.

“I love walking the property,” I said softly, giving him a little tug. Eoin opened the back door and we stepped out on the porch where we’d had our first conversation. I let out a tiny laugh, remembering how grumpy he’d been, and how confused I’d been at his concern. Now it all made so much more sense. “It’s so beautiful out here.”

“Andreas wanted to create a sanctuary for us.”

“He accomplished that, I think.” I glanced up at Eoin. “The pack likes it here, right?”

He nodded and I knew it wasn’t my imagination that he shuffled a little closer to me. We were still holding hands, but now we were practically touching all down our sides. Which was a feat really, since Eoin had a good six inches of height on me, and a heck of a lot more width. Plus we were moving, walking at a gentle pace.

We continued that way in silence for a while. I let my mind tumble over all the implications of what being his mate was. I had a lot of questions, and I would get to them eventually. But first I had to decide how I felt about it. the attraction was the easy part because I’d thought Eoin was beautiful from the first moment I’d met him. That feeling had only grown the more I’d gotten to know him. So I wasn’t worried about that.

But it was everything else. The permanent commitment to a man I was only just getting to know. The binding my life to his and all the implications of that. Joining the pack, because right now I had the option to walk away if I wanted to. But that would all change if I accepted Eoin as my mate.

And what happened if I didn’t? What would happen to Eoin if I chose to deny the mating? Would he pine for me until his dying day? Be able to move on with someone else eventually? Was he even attracted to me now or was it simply because of the mate pull, and if it wasn’t for that would we never have had a chance?

Eoin stopped and turned to face me, then touched my face with exceedingly gentle fingers. “Your heart is pounding so fast.”

“Would you even want me if you didn’t think I was your mate?” I blurted the most recent thought.

“First, I don’t think. I know.” He swiped my cheek with his thumb. “And secondly, I obviously don’t know for sure. But I think so. You’re admittedly very much my type, so there’s an really good chance that, yes. I would absolutely want you.”

I scowled, suddenly seeing green. “So you basically just have a type and I happen to fit and you’ve been with plenty of other guys who are exactly like me?”

Eoin’s chuckle made me frown but when he cupped my face in both hands and leaned in close, but not quite touching, my breath caught.

“I’d be lying if I said the jealousy wasn’t hot.”

“I’m not jealous,” I grumbled, lying through my teeth. It didn’t matter that jealousy was completely ridiculous and uncalled for given the situation. Or that I normally wasn’t a jealous person Just hearing him say that had made me a little ragey.

“I think, perhaps, you feel a little bit of the pull too, hmm?”

“Maybe.” I sighed and let him take some of my weight, leaning into his hold. “I dunno. I feel like I’m going a little crazy. My brain is all over the place. I have so many questions.”

“And I’ll answer them all. I promise. Where do you want to start?”

“I don’t know!” If it came out a little whiny, it couldn’t be helped. I took a breath, and then another, forcing my brain online. “What does this mean for us?”

Eoin tilted his head, brow creased, before his expression cleared. “It the simplest terms? We just start building a life together. We talk and compromise and kiss and more.” He added an eyebrow waggle which made me snicker. “Date, I guess, you could say. Except exclusively and no talking to anyone else or doing anything with anyone else and we—ooof.”

I pushed up onto my toes, cutting him off by bringing my lips within a millimeter of his. I’m pretty sure I stepped on his foot in the process, which caused his huff of breath. This close, I could feel more than see the way his lips curled.

“What happens to you if I say no?” I stayed close on purpose, so he’d know I was curious and not think I was going to do that. Because I was pretty dang sure I wasn’t going to.

“I’ll feel your loss in my soul for the rest of my life. It’ll be hard but, you know, I have my pack.”

I didn’t miss the slight tremble in his voice, and though he was doing his best not to influence me, I could tell it would be a lot more difficult than “hard.”

“Maybe, if you wanted to, you could kiss me and we could see how things go?”

Eoin’s sharp inhale barely registered before he pressed his lips to mine and made me feel it all the way down to my toes.

**Episode 6! Definite turning point. Only a few more episodes to go. Enjoy!**

I still had dinner to make. Even though Andreas told me I could take a break, walk away and talk to Eoin, this was my job and I took it seriously. More than that, feeding the pack had become one of my greatest joys. I wasn’t about to shirk my duty, even though Eoin and I obviously needed to talk. So after Jorge bandaged my finger—I was more than capable of doing it, but Eoin’s distress made me give in—I got back to work.

Eoin stayed close, as was his habit, and when I finally finished prepping, I wiped my hands on a towel and turned to him. For once he was letting me see all his emotion, the neutral mask he was so good at nowhere to be seen. While I appreciated that more than I could say, the anxiety clear in  his expression made my heart squeeze.

“Okay,” I said softly, tossing the towel aside and then rounding the island. I stepped in close, but not touching, and tried for a smile. “I’m all yours.”

Eoin let out that whine again, the one that was all wolf. “That’s the thing.”

I studied him, trying to parse out the meaning of his statement but failed. “I don’t know what that means.”

Eoin practically radiated tension, and he shoved his hands in his pockets. He wouldn’t look at me either. It was so far from his normal behavior that while I hadn’t really been worried before, I was now. I touched his forearm with soft fingers, and he shuddered out a breath.

“You can tell me,” I cajoled softly.

“Don’t leave, okay?” Eoin’s voice was strained. “If you don’t like what I say, don’t leave the pack. I’ll steer clear of you if you want, won’t bother you at all, but you can’t leave because that would be bad and—”

“Hey.” I had to interrupt because he was rambling and Eoin never rambled. “Just tell me, because your sort of freaking me out, and then we’ll figure it out.”

Eoin finally looked at me and his eyes were filled with equal parts hope and fear. For a long few moments, he didn’t speak, just breathed and by the deliberate inhalations and exhalation, it was clear he was trying to center himself.

“Some wolves,” he began, voice soft but sure, “find a person that they know, from first meeting, is meant to be theirs. It’s a rightness that settles into their souls, and though it’s not a guarantee of happiness it’s as close as it can get. Because this person is their mate. And even though a relationship is still work and communication, it’s a lot easier to do. It was like that for Andreas and Cal.”

“Okay?” I wasn’t sure what the backstory was for, but I was willing to listen to whatever he had to say.

“Usually it’s another wolf.”

The weight with which the statement was spoken meant something. The more I thought on it, the pieces started to fall into place. But even as hope filled me, I didn’t want to jump to any conclusions. I was going to need Eoin to spell it out for me.

“Usually…but not always?’

“Not always,” he agreed. His warm brown eyes implored me to make the leap, and I wondered why he didn’t just say it. Perhaps the big strong beta was just scared enough that saying the words was too much.

“Eoin, are you saying… you and me…you think—”

“I know.” He sighed. “I know you’re my mate and I knew it within minutes of meeting you. But you knew nothing about this world and I wanted you to get settled and comfortable before I told you.”

It was a big deal and more than I’d been prepared for. My mind whirled, and even though there was a spark of happiness at the declaration, other emotions overrode that. Anger that he hadn’t told me immediately. Confusion at what came next and worry about what it all meant. Even worse, concern that the only reason I was here in the first place was because of Eoin.

I narrowed my gaze. “Is that why Andreas offered me the job?”

“No!” It was too loud and I jumped at the sound. Eoin immediately reached out, probably to soothe, but I took a half-step back. I didn’t want to get away from him but I didn’t want him to touch me right now either. Eoin quickly dropped his hand and then shoved it back into his pocket.

“No,” he said again, and the sincerity was so clear I believed him. “You’re here on your own merits. And we’re all glad for it.”

I nodded, still trying to wrap my mind around all the information.

“So that’s why you’ve been sticking so close. Taking care of me.”

“Yes.” Eoin huffed. “Well, no because I would have done that anyway for a new pack member, helping them get adjusted and settled. But normally we would have taken turns, and I just couldn’t be away from you.”

I nodded again, still not able to figure out exactly how I felt about everything. There was a part of me, the one that wanted to belong and have a person who was just for me to love and take care of me, that really liked the idea. And I genuinely liked Eoin. On top of that, I’d always thought he was gorgeous. But the more logical side of my brain urged caution and contemplation before I said anything more.

“I have to start the fajitas.”

“Keir,” he said, his voice full of longing and something else I couldn’t define. It tugged at my heartstrings. But I needed to think, and the best way to do that was getting lost in cooking. Besides, I had a pack to feed.

“You just sit there like you always do, and help when I need it and then…” I had to take a breath because half of me wanted to put this off as long as possible. But that wasn’t fair to either of us. “Then after we eat and I clean up, maybe you and I can take a walk and talk?”

“Yes, absolutely.” His face lit up in that smile I so seldom saw, but oh how it changed his entire demeanor.

I still wasn’t sure what I would say, or how I felt, but we both deserved the conversation. For now, I would cook steak and chicken fajitas with all the fixings, and extra spice for Jorge and Meri because they loved it. After that, we’d see.