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It’s funny, the things that stick in my head.

Sometimes, I go back and look at my previous posts to see if I’ve written about a particular something before or how long ago it was. I see the posts where I talk about how I’ve gotten this great new idea and I’m all gung ho to write it. And about most of them, I don’t have any idea what that plan was now. Absolutely none. A few of them, I remember, and I know exactly why they didn’t get written. I expect, in the case of the former, the story lost steam even before it began.

But some things….some things stick and stay, going round and round in my head. They bloom and grow, and actually seem like they are going to going to actually work. The one that’s in my brain now? I got the initial idea from something that actually happened to someone I know. Of course it was an immediate plot bunny. But the more I thought about it, the more it grew, and now there are scenes. And I know plot points. And I know characters and names. I want to write this one.

The thing is, though, that I only have the beginning parts. I only know how the story starts, the first four or five chapters. Of course I also know how it ends. But all the stuff in the middle? The meat of the falling in love and growing and learning? That’s where everything is hazy. So I’m putting off putting the words on the page yet. Though I’m all about the beginning, oh do I love the way this story starts, I don’t want to get too invested until I know how I’m going to get my boys from the meeting and initial attraction to their HEA.

Besides, I’m still taking it easy at the moment, and I’m not in any hurry to rush into a new story. Not when I’m still coming down from the last one. If these guys are, if this story is, meant to be, then the beginning I have will become more and I will have find those salient details to help the boys fall in love forever.

My writing for the past six months has been pretty concentrated. I’ve been writing to deadlines, and even though I wasn’t writing every day, or even every week, there was this constant pressure of what needed to get done. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, because I’ve produced a lot, and stuff I love, so it definitely worked. But now that I’ve gotten over that last hurdle of finishing Ghostwalker (and submitting it for consideration), I feel like I can breathe. And not just that shallow breathing you do to stay alive, but the deep, lung expanding breaths that give life.

It feels pretty good.

But now I have to decide what’s next.

What I know for certain is I will be taking it easy for a bit. How long? I’m not sure. A couple of weeks at least. Just to relax and let the ideas spark and play in my brain pan without any worry or pressure. I have a couple of ideas that I want to write. But I have some decisions to make and I’m waiting to hear on a couple things as well.

I feel like things are sort of up in the air at the moment. And, for once, I’m pretty okay with that. Just waiting to see how things shake out, and what idea grows the strongest legs. I am fairly certain I’m going to go with a contemporary next, because as much as I love writing paranormal, building a whole new world is a little daunting at the moment. I’m also about 87% certain it will be in first person (my first and true love), though depending on which story I go with, I might try my hand at alternating first. One story is particularly well suited to that POV.

At any rate, a little relaxing. Reading and yarning and thinking. And then diving into a new story, and new boys falling in love.

I wrote 39k words in what, essentially, boils down to about 36 hours spread out over about five days.

I know that’s a record for me. One I’m extremely proud of. And in the process, I learned a couple of things.

The first thing was proof that, when I’m in the groove, when my mind is fixed in the story and interruptions are at a minimum, when I push myself, I can write a lot in a short amount of time. Words that I actually like. Most everything made it through the final pass. (Though I am still tweaking, editing, changing) I was taken over by the muse, and just focused and wrote. It was sort of liberating, and definitely awesome. And I really enjoyed that immersion, that absolute focus, and watching the story come to life.

The second thing is that I never want to do that again.

Yes, it was a great experience, but also stressful. I had that deadline constantly in the back of my mind. The worry that I wasn’t going to have enough words and that I wasn’t going to get it done in time. I’ve always written well under pressure, so having that riding me was a benefit. But oh my lord, was I stressed and worried. Especially because if I hadn’t managed all those words the weekend before last? I’d be in a very, very bad place right now. I think it’s better for my health if I don’t do such things again.

Get into the groove? Definitely. I’ve always liked to focus hard and write for ten hours on a day off, and I write better when I have a long uninterrupted stretch of time. Write three quarters of book in, basically, 2 and a half days? Nope. Consider that a lesson learned by yours truly, folks. I’m taking the next one at a much more leisurely pace.

Once I finish Ghostwalker and submit it, that is. 😀

Out of all my siblings, my younger brother Joe and I are the most alike. Even though there are four years between us, we have plenty to talk about. And one of those things is writing. Mostly my writing, and I tell him about all the thing going on with my current story and then get mad when he tries to “rewrite” it the way he likes. But it’s a playful game, and often in the discussing, he helps me work out a sticking point. Or, because of his ramblings, I know EXACTLY what I don’t want to do. Either way, it’s usually constructive.

A dozen years or more ago, he told me about this idea he had. A man who continually dies so that he can help lost souls cross over. It’s his job. He goes to work to be killed, in a very particular way, and then goes about his business. That was about as much as he had at the time, a few other salient details, but nothing more. But it’s stuck with me all this time. The idea, the mental image he created when he told me about it, and I’ve thought about it on and off for years.

Last year (or was it the year before?) I asked him if I could have it. Because I could think of what came next, and how things would progress, and even though I was certain it was nothing like what he would have written, I wanted to steal his base idea. With permission, of course.

He gave it.

So I started writing it, though it failed immediately. I didn’t have all the details down the way I wanted, and I shelved it. And there it sat for a good long while, until I saw the Dreamspun Beyond call and just knew I had the right story for it.

Joe’s base idea is still the same: A man goes to work to be killed, over and over, to help lost souls cross over. But the rest is all mine.

All fifty thousand plus words of it.

And it’s done.

After some very focused writing days, a lot of encouragement and cheerleading, it’s done. And I’m proud of it and I love it. And there’s still work to be done, tweaking and fixing and polishing. But it’s done.

*collapses*

Behind on my word count, I had a plan. And because I had a plan, it didn’t work out like I wanted.

I felt the sickness creeping up late last week. I refused to give into it. I got immunity boosters and slept well. I wasn’t going to let it take me.

It got me anyway.

I woke up Saturday morning with a sore throat and a general ickiness that couldn’t be ignored. I tried to. Of course I did. Hot tea and some cold meds, I tried to push through. I didn’t quite succeed. Friday night I got a few words in, and I got a few more in on Saturday. But nowhere near where I wanted for the weekend. And I started to panic a little, because the deadline was looming, and I really, really needed to make some progress.

Sunday, however, dawned a bright new day.

Apparently my immune system is stronger than I thought, and while I wasn’t at 100%, I felt much better than I did on Saturday.

So I sat down to write.

I wrote.

And wrote.

And wrote.

And wrote.

I had a loose goal of 15k by the end of the weekend. That would be some solid, good progress by the end, would get me passed the halfway mark and I’d start to breathe easier. But I didn’t write 15k words.

I wrote 22 thousand words.

Twenty. Two. Thousand.

I was worried I wouldn’t have enough story to make the 50k minimum. I was sure by the end, I’d have to go back and fill in more words, expand scenes and even add some new ones. That’s always a little trying for me, as I find it difficult to fill in. I’m a linear writer, and I need to write in order. So thinking of things I missed before is very hard for me.

But I don’t have that worry now. I have about ten thousand words left to reach the minimum, and at least that, if not more, left in plot. Ghostwalker is nearing the end. And while I’m anxious to get there, I’m reluctant to let it go. This story has been a long time coming, and I love Blake and Derek.

I’m hoping I’ll have it done by the end of the month. Then I have plenty of time to tweak and polish, before I have to send it in. I’m looking forward to it.

Coming in April from JMS Books… Enchanted Love!

Okay, I’ve talked about it a few times in vague terms, but Enchanted Love is the story of Eli and Chase. Chase sweeps Eli off his feet, and they fit together perfectly. There’s no angst here. Just two guys who find each other at the right time and settle into their happily ever after. It’s a happy little love story. And I adore it. Specific details when I have them, but watch this space for news. I’m super excited about sharing it with you, and I’ll be sure to share details as soon as I have them.

Ghostwalker is almost to the halfway point, both in words and in plot. It really should be farther along than it is, and I’m definitely in a time crunch. I got inside my own head about a few things, and let myself focus on other endeavors for a bit. But I’m not worried. At least, no more than usual that is. The good news is I know exactly where the rest of the story is going, and half the major plot points written out in bullet points. I’ll have to dig in and really get some words on the page. I see another sequester in my near future. And really, when I set aside that kind of time and really focus, I can get a lot of words on the page. I think the most I’ve ever written in a 24 hour period was 12k, because I had to sleep at some point, but my average is more like 7-10k. I want to get this done by the end of the month so I have time to tweak and polish, but fortunately I have some weekend days and quite a few nights. So I’m confident I can get it done.

But in the meantime, enjoy Valentine’s Day! Whether it be with your special someone or someones. Or with a good book and a glass of wine.

 

So, I wrote Enchanted Love for a sub call, and come to find out, after a lot of deliberation apparently, the publisher has decided to discontinue that particular collection. It was a surprise, actually. And I never expected that to happen. Not to mention, I really didn’t expect to get that answer after they had the MS for so long. So I was particularly shocked, and it took me a bit to absorb it.

It wasn’t a rejection by any means. The publisher didn’t even really review it. The collection isn’t being put out this year, so my story was once again mine to do with as I wished. And even though it wasn’t a rejection, it felt like it a bit. So I had to readjust my thinking. Decide what to do next.

And there were definitely options, choices to make. It took a little thought and discussion, some back and forth with a couple of friends, before I decided on trying a different publisher.

Details coming soon when they are confirmed, but I believe I’ve found a home for it! I’m excited because I love this story. It’s sweet and fluffy and there’s  little self-indulgent bits and Eli and Chase are just so freaking adorable. It’s just a feel good story, one that I love, and I’m can’t wait to bring it to you.

So watch this space for details. I’ll post them as soon as I can.

In the mean time, I hope you look forward to a happy short story that’s all about the good feels. 🙂

**Today’s prompt is a good one! I hope I do it justice. A mysterious box and an old friend, long forgotten. Enjoy!**

 

The box appeared out of nowhere.

Between the time Eric left the house to take Pickles–his Welsh corgi who had the absolute best disposition–for his early morning walk and the time he returned fifteen minutes later, it showed up on the porch. Eric froze the moment he saw it, then pulled back on Pickles’s leash to keep the dog from getting too close. The box itself was fairly nondescript; about the size of a shoe box, though it looked to be made from unfinished wood. Eric approached cautiously, listening hard. Though he didn’t actually expect there to be a bomb or anything, he was cautious.

Eric had been back in the neighborhood only for a couple of months. His family had moved downstate when we was barely twelve, but twenty-five years later, he moved back to where he’d spent his first years. He’d always liked the quiet area, filled with old houses and big trees. The houses he remembered from his childhood was the reason he’d gotten into renovation as an adult. The Cape Cod he lived in now had always fascinated him, and he’d moved back when he saw it had gone on the market. It had needed some serious attention before he could move in, but now it was exactly the kind of house he’d envisioned living in as a child.

But he didn’t really know his neighbors. And there was a part of him that always worried how they would react if they found out he was gay. So the suspicious box was a bit worrisome, and he approached it cautiously. Had someone seen him bring home that hook-up last weekend?

Eric shooed Pickles into the house even though the dog really wanted to investigate the box. With the dog safely inside, Eric nudged the box with his toe. Nothing happened. He bent closer and saw the hinged lid. With a deep breath, he slowly eased it open.

Inside was a collection of pictures, postcards, and yellowed paper.

What the hell?

Eric picked it up, surprised at how light it was. As the sky brightened, he was able to make the contents out more clearly, and when he shifted the box, a picture slid into a beam of light. Eric’s breath caught as memories came flooding back.

How long had it been since Eric had thought of Max? Years at any rate. His best friend as a boy, the two had run wild through the neighborhood, getting into scrapes and going on grand adventures. The last few years before Eric moved, they’d been inseparable. Max had been his entire world, the boy with the mismatched eyes and beautiful smile. Max had been the reason Eric first thought he might not like girls, but he’d been gone before he could explore those thoughts and feelings. And over time, Max had faded from memory, all but disappeared. Until Eric saw that face, dirty and with a cut on his cheek, arm slung around Eric’s slim shoulders, grinning broadly.

Eric took the box into the house with him, nudging the excited dog aside and sitting down at the kitchen table. He sifted through the contents, smiling uncontrollably. In addition to the pictures there were postcards Eric had sent when he’d gone on his trips, and the notes they’d scribbled to each other, hidden for the other to find. Eric remembered every moment as if he was reliving it, his heart swelling with emotion.

He was sad when he reached the bottom of the box and all those memories were beside it in a pile.

One more piece of paper lay in the box, a sticky note stuck to the bottom, and Eric eagerly picked it up. There was nothing more than a chicken scratch, and Eric had to squint to make it out, cramped as it was on the small sheet.

Eric,

Saw you’re back in town. Always knew you’d grow up beautiful, but you’re even more gorgeous than I would have guessed. Welcome home

Max

Below that was a number.

Eric sucked in a breath, the grinned again. After a moment, he pulled out his phone.

The publisher has asked for some revisions on Hearts and Hazelnuts. Not a bad thing at all!

Okay, yeah, it’s always a little bit of a blow when you’re told to fix something. Of course it is. So I needed to mope about that for a minute or two. And then, almost immediately, I started planning where I could make the revisions/expansions/additions. It will enhance the story, of course it will. And flesh it out more. I’m all for that.

I just don’t have a lot of time to get it done.

With Ghostwalker also having a deadline.

Basically, I will have to write my little fingers to the bone, quick quick quick, with extreme focus.

So yeah, focus has been a little bit of a problem. I’ve got two stories that need writing on, and waiting to hear on a third, so I’m feeling scattered. But I’ll put it together and get it done. I don’t have a choice if I want these stories out in the world. And I very much do.

Revisions before deadlines, here I come.

**Once again, we delve into the world of prompts! It’s been quite a while since we’ve done these, but we’ve decided to pick it back up again. So without further ado, I bring you a flash fic based on a very specific prompt. It was much more involved, but it boils down to someone needing space, an accident, and being there anyway. Enjoy!**

Moping.

That’s what he was doing. And he knew it. Jason picked up his phone for about the hundredth time that day, millionth time that week, to call Nick only to remember yet again that they were currently on a break.

Because Nick “needed space.” Whatever the fuck that meant.

A year ago, Jason would never have thought he’d have given his heart so fully to another man. He didn’t think he was capable of that kind of love. He’d made it to thirty-five without ever feeling the need to fully commit to someone. He was happy dating until they both got tired and moved on. But then he ran into Nick, literally, and his world changed.

Jason had been walking out of the coffee shop and Nick had been walking in. Only Nick wasn’t paying attention to what was going on, his gaze focused on the phone in his hand, and slammed right into Jason. Coffee covered them both, and embarrassment flooded Nick’s face. A replacement drink and an offer to pay Jason’s cleaning bill had somehow translated to an hour’s conversation. Which became a date. Which became a weekend in bed, and naked breakfast. They’d been inseparable ever since.

At least, Jason thought they had. Until Jason said the L word and suggested they finally move in together and Nick had paled and asked for the dreaded space. Which, of course, Jason gave him because there was nothing Nick could ask for that Jason wouldn’t give. And Jason spent the past week moping like a teenage girl because he wanted Nick with him. Not off doing…whatever the hell he was doing.

Jason tossed the phone down and sighed heavily, flopping back against the couch and rubbing his hands on his face. He really thought Nick would have called by now. Nick’s past relationships hadn’t been good, and one had been downright scary, so Jason understood his man’s need for caution. Ultimately, that was why Jason agreed to let Nick go for a bit. Not entirely, and he made that clear, but he knew if he pushed too hard, Nick would end things for good. At least this way he knew Nick would come back. But that didn’t stop him from wanting Nick right beside him, curled up in front of the fire, cozy and warm and together as the storm raged outside.

The snow had been falling for twenty-four hours, and the city had all but shut down. It would have been the perfect time to snuggle together and forget the rest of the world existed. Instead he was alone and missing Nick.

The phone rang, and Jason snapped it up the second he saw Nick’s sister’s name flash across the screen. Why in the hell was Amanda calling?

“Hello?”

“Oh my god, JJ!” Amanda’s voice was shrill and panicked. “He’s all banged up and they won’t let me back there and you have to come because I don’t know what’s going on and—”

“Whoa whoa, slow down.” Jason’s heart thudded in his chest and he stood fast. “What’s going on?”

“Nicky! He got caught in the storm and he crashed into a ditch and he was there for hours before someone found him.”

Jason was already running for the door. “Which hospital?” He hit the button on his key fob to start his car then started pulling on his boots, trying not to drop the phone.

Amanda told him and he assured her he’d be there as soon as he could. She urged him to be careful but she didn’t have to worry. Not only did he live on a main road and was only ten minutes from the hospital, but his truck was heavy and had all wheel drive.

Jason still drove with extreme caution, and the buildup of snow and ice meant it took more than thirty minutes to go six miles. He kept the panic at bay only because he needed to focus, and it would serve no one if he ended up in a ditch too. Fortunately, there was no one else on the roads, and though he had to go slowly, he made it without incident.

He found Amanda the moment he finally made it into the waiting room. She told him everything she knew at that point, which was very little, and then they sat huddled together, ignoring the TV. Eventually, after what seemed like hours, a doctor came in.

“He’s fine.” The doctor offered a warm smile. “Well, not fine. He has a couple of pretty serious contusions, a broken wrist, and a couple of bruised ribs. And even though he was out there for a couple of hours and was pretty hypothermic, he doesn’t have frostbite. We’ll keep him for a day or two, but he should make a full recovery with a little time and care.”

The relief flooded Jason and was so acute his knees actually went weak. The doctor told them they could head up to the sixth floor as Nick was being moved to a room as they spoke. Amanda and Jason were quick to head for the elevators. When they got there, Amanda insisted he go in first, that she would give them some time. Jason almost told her that he and Nick were technically on a break and Nick probably didn’t want to see him. But he needed to see with his own eyes that Nick was all right.

Jason quietly entered the room. Nick’s eyes were closed, and he seemed to be sleeping. There was a small bandage on his forehead, a cast on his wrist, and he was propped up a bit. Otherwise, he looked no worse for the wear. Jason’s heart pounded, and he was caught by indecision as he didn’t know whether he should step closer or leave altogether.

Nick’s eyes popped open, and he stared for a moment before he whispered, “What are you doing here?”

There was a squeezing pain in his chest, but Jason stood firm. He didn’t walk closer, didn’t take Nick’s uninjured hand like he wanted to, but he didn’t leave either.

“Amanda called,” he said softly, gaze roving all over Nick’s face. “Scared the shit out of me, hearing you’d been hurt.”

Nick closed his eyes and let out a sigh, then winced like even that hurt. “But we’re supposed to be taking time apart.”

“I know you need space, and I’ll leave. But goddamn, I needed to see you were all right.” Jason took an involuntary step forward, then caught himself. He fisted his hands so he didn’t reach out. “I love you. Remember that, okay?”

When Nick didn’t say anything, Jason let out a breath. Nick was okay. He was talking and the doctor said he’d make a full recovery. That was enough for now. He’d go back to the waiting room and hang out, check to make sure Amanda could get home safely, and then leave. He turned to go, and made it almost to the door before he heard it.

“Jason.” That’s it. Just his name. But it was the sweetest sound in the world. He turned back, and Nick offered him a shaky smile. “Stay.”

Jason was at Nick’s side in an instant, reaching out and taking Nick’s hand in his, being careful of the IV. Nick squeezed his fingers

“I was just scared, you know.” Nick’s voice was barely audible, and Jason leaned in closer. Jason didn’t have to ask to know what he was talking about. “Still am. But I could have died out there.”

Immediately, Jason saw where this was going. He bent his head and brushed his lips over Nick’s knuckles. “Now’s not the time to be making any decisions, baby. Just focus on healing, and then we’ll figure out us.”

“I think you’ve got us pretty well figured out all ready.” There was humor in Nick’s voice, and his lips quirked into a tiny smile.

“I do. And you’ll get there. I’ll wait.”

Nick relaxed, like that was exactly what he needed to hear, and a minute later, was fast asleep. Jason didn’t let go of his hand. He had no doubt they’d sort things out. He wouldn’t push, but now Nick knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Would really be there any time for anything.

Jason knew that was exactly what Nick needed. At least one good thing came out of this accident. If Jason had his say, it would be a tiny blip on their way to happily ever after. But as it was, it was enough for now.