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The Moment When

…You’re certain that the story you’re about to tell is garbage.

It happens to me a lot.

Okay, wait, that sounds weird. So let me try to explain.

I’m sure I’m not the only one it happens to. Actually, I know I’m not. But I get this feeling, deep down in my gut, and I just know, with utter certainty, that the story I’m about to write is bad. It’s all very, “What was I thinking? I can’t write this story. It’s stupid and pointless and no one is going to want to read it. I need to scrap it, throw it away, and think of a new idea. A better idea.” It happens to me every time I come up with a new plot, when I get to the point of getting ready to actually write it. I spend time waffling about, trying to convince myself that it’s a story worth telling. And I give my computer the side eye, not wanting to go near it, though I feel it’s siren call. Because that way lies heartache and I don’t want heartache.

(not to muddy thing up, but I also get this feeling about about the three-quarters point while actually writing the story. I know all the time spent was a waste and it’s a crap story and I should abandon it and think of something news)

But see, the characters, they call to me. They keep popping up in my brain and I keep seeing scenes from their lives. I keep seeing this story played out in all those times during the day when my brain scampers off to play with imaginary characters.

So I know this is the story to tell next, I know these are the characters to tell it. Logic brain tells me that. But Lizard Brain, the one that’s full of fear, keeps pulling me back.

Lizard brain won’t win in the end. I have the plot mostly mapped, and I know where I want to go with it. I know that’ll change when I actually start writing, but I’ve got my jumping off point. I’ve got two guys who have already begun to worm their way under my skin. There are times when I don’t know whether I like Seth or Gabriel more. ¬†They both have endearing points, and things about them I adore. I like “watching” them together. (See how I just dropped the second MC’s name in there?)

I gotta get through some stuff over the next week or so. Obligations I need to fulfill and another yarn project I want to finish. But I’m making tentative plans to do a sequesterish Saturday, to get that jump start on the writing. Because I need to just shove this moment out the window. And start telling the story.

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