Shaking My Confidence Daily

Yeah.  I’m one of those people.  The kind where confidence comes from others, not within myself.  I’m working on it, I am.  But right now it’s validation that lifts me up, and keeps me solid.

Recently, a couple things happened to shake my confidence to the core.  And for a minute there, I was ready to just give up.  But it only lasted a minute, and though everything is still shaky, it’s a little more solid.  You know, like Jell-O.  It’s wobbly but it’s holding it’s shape.

I’ve been repeating my mantra.  I’ve been talking to my close people about my feelings, and thoughts, and new plot ideas.  And even though focus seems to be an issue right now, I have been writing anyway.  The flash fics, as well as some other things.  My slave driver dear sweet friend has been pushing me to put words on the page, no matter what they are, as long as I write.  He’s also telling me to fucking focus, but he’s kind enough to not say it often, because he knows I know.

The good thing is that I am, slowly and surely, getting to the point where I can view this as a life lesson.  Where I can look at it and see it’s something that makes me stronger and more determined.  It’s a good thing, in the long run, though I still don’t feel quite that way yet.

For the moment, I’m just proud of myself that even though everything is shaky, I’m still doing what I love.

And speaking of…

Don’t forget the Flash Fic Holiday Blog Hop!