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I spend most of my time lost in thought.  I think that that’s a safe assumption about most authors.  There’s always a story going on in my head.  The littlest thing can trigger a scene.  A conversation, or just a phrase, can spark a plot bunny.  For me this happens all the time.  But then the tricky part, the hard part, is figuring out what can be used and what is complete and utter shit.

Admittedly, I have a hard time with this.  When something strikes in my brain, I’m off and running and I’ve often built a whole world/story/plot around one little thing.  But then, the problem surfaces when I try to get it on the page.  Nothing works out like I wanted it to and I have to scrap it.  Fortunately, for me, this usually happens early on.  When I’m in the plotting stage, mostly.

I like to hand write notes.  I have atrocious handwriting, to be sure.  And honestly, about a quarter of the time, I have no idea what I’ve actually written down.  Then it becomes a bit of a game to try and figure out what I meant to say.  Most of the time, I do figure it out.  But not always.  And sometimes, it becomes better when I can’t read my notes and have to figure it out all over again.

I’m having trouble with my current work in progress.  No matter how many times I look at it, it all comes out the wrong way.  And I’m not sure if I just haven’t found the solution yet or if I need to scrap it and start again with a different premise.  I’m over thinking, second guessing, wondering if the fact that it’s a contemporary is the problem.  Should I write it third person instead of first?  Should I jump into the paranormal?  How about Sci Fi or Fantasy?  Should I build a new world?  Or should I just stop fretting so hard and go with the flow?  What’s the problem and what’s the fix?

It’s not normally such a challenge for me.  I can usually just write, and maybe it’s crap and it’ll never see the light of day, but I don’t usually hang on to something so tight when it’s not working.

At any rate, the little progress bar over there on the left is taunting me.  It’s been where it is for quite a long time.  I’ve cut things and reworded and changed things around, and its still only 7% done.  No matter what I do.  And I still can’t decide if that means this story was no meant to be told, or if I just haven’t found the right angle.

I write because I must.  But that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

All right, ladies and gents!

The 2013 Advent Calendar Anthology–Heartwarming is up for pre-sale on the Dreamspinner Press website.  You can order it here.  If you click expand, you can read all of the blurbs for the included stories.  It looks to be quite an awesome collection.  My contribution is Worth It.  You can also purchase any of the titles as individual titles starting December 1st.  Worth It is the story of Jack and Ryan–and how they went their separate ways but came back together again.

Also?  I’ve just learned that I will be included in the Dr. Feelgood anthology, to be released by Dreamspinner Press in February!  I nearly burst at the seams when I received word that the story would be accepted.  To say I was excited is probably an understatement.  This one was inspired solely by reading the open call for submission.  And then out of the blue, bam! the first scene in the story came into my brain and I just had to explore what happened next.  I’m so thrilled that these two boys, Alex and Matt, are going to be out there for public consumption.  They have a really special place in my heart and I just adore them.  I hope you all do too.

Now, if only I can get my work in progress to fall in line.  I’m still looking for that one elusive plot point.

Being a new author, I had no idea what to expect from the whole getting published process.

There was an August first deadline for the Advent Calendar Anthology.  When I submitted my story for consideration, it was April.  I had four months to worry and wonder, to be anxious and nervous.  It definitely took it’s toll.  I was still writing, still creating during that time, but there was a part of my mind that was always thinking about Worth It and wondering if it would be accepted or not.  The deadline came and went and I knew contracts would be offered by August 20th.  It was the weekend before, on the 17th at about 11 o’clock at night when I got the email.  I had literally just shut down my computer and was settling into bed.  I reached over to shut off the light and there it was; the ding from my phone indicating that I had received and email.  Now, at this point, I didn’t expect it at all.  So when I clicked the icon and the email popped up, I screamed. The excitement just bubbled up and spilled over.  My first submission, and it was accepted.

After that, it was more waiting.  Waiting until I finally got the contract.  Signing it and returning it was one of the most thrilling experiences I’ve had to date.  Because it was physical proof that my dream of being a published author was coming true.  Waiting again until I got the first round of edits.  I was actually a bit scared to open that, because I was nervous about exactly what kind of edits my story would receive.  (It turned out I wasn’t as good at commas and conjunctions as i thought I was)  But it was a fairly painless process, mostly because it’s a short story and there wasn’t much to change content wise.  Waiting again for the second round of edits.  In the middle of that there were forms to fill out regarding the blurb for my story, and the author bio, All of it overwhelming in it’s own right.

On top of that, I had written a second story and submitted it for consideration.  So I was waiting to hear about that as well.

This is what I’ve learned: it’s a process.  Every little thing has a purpose.  I’ve tried to learn from each stage.  So that next time i’ll know what to expect.  or at least, have a better idea of what is going to happen.

But the other thing I learned is this: waiting for the answer , getting that acceptance email, it’s not any less nerve wracking nor any less exciting the second time around.  And I sure as hell hope that it never loses it’s power.    I never want to become complacent, to be less effected by the whole process.  I always want to be a bundle of nerves when I’m waiting to hear…and I always want to feel that thrill of excitement if my story gets accepted.

Some authors, I hear, get a story idea and painstakingly plot out the whole story arc so they know exactly what to write.  Others say their method is to just start writing and see where the characters take them.  Me?  I lean more towards the latter group, though I do a bit of the first.  But the thing that really dictates what I write is my muse.

I give her way too much leeway.  I work when she’s in the mood to cooperate.  When I’ve got writers block, I make myself write anyway, but that doesn’t mean I get anything usable.  And my muse is a fickle bitch.  I can get a story idea and think it’s great and start writing…and then part of the way through, my muse will cut me off at the knees and while I’m lying there on the floor bleeding, she says, “Too bad, so sad baby girl.  I have this whole other thing in mind that we’re going to try.”  And I listen to her!  I let her move me to something else instead of fighting for whatever I’m working on at the moment.  She’s got too much power.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d be lost without my muse.  I’d be in a world of trouble in fact.  I really would be.  But lately, she’s been particularly idea jumpy.  She’s in my head with an idea and characters and the whole works and the minute I actually start putting words on the page, she jumps to something else.  In the last three weeks, there have been three different plots.  I haven’t written anything substantial in a while now.  And I’m feeling the loss.  So, I need to take her in hand and ask her, politely of course, to help me stick with one thing until we see it through to it’s conclusion. I think she’s giddy at having something published and something else out there waiting for consideration.  (That’s probably actually me)

Dear Muse, we need to write.  Can we try to settle on one thing, please?  It would make us both very happy if we could write a complete tale.  Sincerely, yours, Kris.

Let me preface this by saying that this is my own personal opinion.  Feel free to disagree…

I know that fiction, by it’s very definition, means the story that I’m reading has been made up.  But there has to be some reality in it, something for me to identify with, in order for me to relate with it.  I think most people feel this way.  Even if it’s a fantasy or science fiction novel, where the world can be created to the author’s liking, there still has to be a hint of reality, something recognizable.  If the novel I’m reading falls into that category, then I’ll definitely give it leeway.  They can bend the rules of reality as much as they like…as long as there is something that rings true.

But if I’m reading a contemporary novel, romance or not, then it needs to be based in fact.  Yes, the characters and situations are completely fictional.  But I need there to be recognizable rules.  Things have to make sense.  And this is where research comes in handy.  You can’t move the location of a city or town just because it suits your needs.  If you need a town to be in that particular spot, make one up.  I’m fine if you move a street or a landmark, but don’t just change the real world to suit your fancy.  Not in a contemporary.  Science, nature, biology–they all work in a certain, established way.  You can’t just change it to make your story line work.  If you do, then it becomes unbelievable, in the bad way, and will make me put the book down.

In this era, with the glorious thing called the internet, anything you need to know can be discovered.  Whether by searching for the information on your preferred search engine or by actually discussing things with a person that lives there or is an expert in a certain field, you can find anything you need to know.  I’ve scrapped several story lines because what I wanted to happen couldn’t actually happen…not unless I was willing to completely change the order of the universe.

This may sound a bit ranty, but the truth is, I’ve read several books lately where things I know to be fact were disregarded or changed completely just to suit the authors needs.  And I could think of at least three different solutions where the author could have used a real life solution that would make perfect sense and be more accurate.  When things like this catch my attention, it pulls me out of the story.

I’m certainly not perfect and I’m sure that I’ve made mistakes in my own writing.  But I try very hard not to write anything that is false; at least where reality is concerned.  If it’s a known fact, I’m not going to change it.  There can be a bit of bending, a little bit of stretching…but go too  far and you’ll lose me as a reader.

Do the research.  It’s not always fun, and sometimes it’s incredibly tedious, but it’ll be worth it in the end.  When you have all the pieces together, it makes for a better story.  It’s something that I strive for each and every time I put words on the page.  I’m certain I don’t always succeed.  I’m sure that there are times when I get it wrong.  But I do my research, I talk to people and ask questions, and I try very hard to make that place where reality and fiction meet as seamless as possible.

The bane of every writer’s existence.  i don’t even like to say the words out loud.  It makes it seem a lot more real.  But the truth is, it is very real and it hits everyone who writes.

I get stuck sometimes.  When what’s in my head doesn’t come out right on the page.  Or worse, when what I’m working on has no words at all.  When I stare at the page, reading where I left off, and I’ve got nothing to add to it.  I hate that feeling the most.  Because there are thousands of thoughts in my head and why can’t I seem to make anything at all make sense?  It’s like a pain in my stomach.  It’s like it’s physically painful when I can’t write; not because I don’t have the time or I’m busy with something else, but because there are no words.

The best advice I’ve ever gotten is just to write anyway.  It doesn’t matter what.  Just write.  It could be complete and totally crap, but write anyway.  Get something on the page.  And usually, when I do that, it’s like my writer’s block is forcibly broken.  I might not actually keep a single word that I put down, but better things flow through the hole I made in the block and then, when the force gets stronger, it breaks that block apart and I can write again.  Sometimes it happens all at once, like a dam breaking.  And sometimes it’s a slow process, a little at at time, until the block is completely worn away.

I was suffering from a the block for the last week.  And everything I wrote was awful and I couldn’t keep anything I wrote.  And it was making my stomach hurt.  But I kept writing anyway.  And then, it all broke free and the words were ones I actually wanted to keep.  That progressed the story along and actually made sense.

So that’s the advice I pass on to you.  Write anyway.  It doesn’t matter if it’s the worst thing in the history of all the world.  Get words on the page.  And when you’re done, more and better words will come.

Okay.  See, it all started with Creative Writing.  I don’t remember much else about 5th grade.  Except we spent an extraordinary amount of time writing.  And the praise.  I definitely remember the praise.  Yeah, I got kudos.  But I was reading far beyond my grade level so it just makes sense that I would write that way as well.  I was writing love stories even then.  Girl meets boy and love happens.  And I knew, even then, that I wanted to be an author.  That’s how I was going to make my living.  But, of course, life and insecurities got in the way.  And though I wrote and wrote and wrote (because I must write) I barely even showed it to people, let alone sent it in for consideration.

And then I found gay romance and I was hooked.  It felt like I finally understood what I was meant to write.  And the stories started pouring into my brain, the plot bunnies were running wild, and there was no way I could stop them.  So, I wrote some more.  And got feedback from people who didn’t already love me to bits and pieces.  My confidence grew and I was finally brave enough to submit a story to Dreamspinner Press.  It’s my first published work and I’m over the moon excited about it.  These are my boys and this is their story.  And it’s going to be out there for people to read and, hopefully, enjoy.

Here’s what you can expect if you keep dropping by: updates about any current WIPs and new releases, Flash Fic Fridays (which is what it sounds like), and musings about the inner workings of my mind and writing process.  I’m not going to lie, there will probably be some other random things thrown in as well.  But here’s where you can get the updates.

If you’re here, it means you took the time to look me up and for that, I am so exceedingly appreciative.  I love to hear feedback and you can find my contact info at the top of the page.  Feel free to drop me a line and I promise to respond.