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Go with your gut.

That’s the advice I got the other day, and it’s sound.  Gave me just enough courage to do exactly that.  But see, the thing is, I sometimes have a hard time trusting my gut.  At least when it comes to writing.  I over think things.  Second guess myself.  Spend useless hours contemplating some point, and trying to change it, just so it’s different.  Something unexpected.  And while the unexpected can definitely be a good thing in writing, sometimes it’s not.  Sometimes, all we want is for it to be how we expect.  Especially if the unexpected seems like it’s trying too hard.

And sometimes my gut tells me to write in a way that I’m not completely comfortable with.  And that makes me second guess myself as well.  Because there’s a certain way I write, and a certain kind of character I’m comfortable getting into his headspace so he can tell the story.  To step outside of that, to write from a different kind of perspective, is a little scary.  Because what if I can’t do it as well as I do the other thing?  What if it doesn’t work out like I thought?

Go with my gut, indeed.

There’s a type of male character that I’m drawn to.  No use in denying it.  I like the big, alpha male who is grumpy and stoic and cranky on the outside, and has the soft, gooey, caring center.  Someone who can be, on occasion, just this side of complete asshole but who shows his deep caring and mushy middle at the perfect moment.  That kind of guy is my Kryptonite and my catnip.  I’m always going to be drawn to that kind of character, and that guy is always going to be my greatest weakness.

I’ve hinted at it before.  Jack is kind of like that.  So is Alex.  They both have their moments of grumpy and cranky.  They both have melty centers when it comes to their men.  But neither character is full-on in that regard.  To write someone who is pure alpha male, testosterone incarnate, who has stoic down to an art and for whom control is paramount, that is daunting.  That’s not me in any way, shape, or form.  To write that guy, and write from his POV, is a little bit scary because I worry about not getting it right.

But if I’m going with my gut, he’s the guy to tell the story.  He’s the one whose head we need to be in.  So as I begin plotting the second book in the trilogy, he’s the guy I have to trust to help me tell the story.  He’s the kind of guy that won’t let me down either.  As long as I can trust him.  Trust myself.  Trust my gut.

He is my catnip and my Kryptonite, and if can just let go of the worries, I’m going to fall in love with him.

When I went to bed on Thursday night, it was because I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore not because I wanted to.  And anyone who knows me knows how much I like sleep, so that’s a big deal.  But I was so close to finishing my WIP that I wanted to get all the words on the page.  I couldn’t do it that night, there were too many words left, but I was bound and determined to get it done Friday.

Friday dawned a good day.  I was pumped and ready to go, and even though I had to go to the day job (which I was ready to call in to just so I could write) I had a goal in mind; work my eight hours, get home, and finish that draft. Before work, I finished another round of edits on Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love and I was in the author zone.  And then a wonderful thing happened.  Unexpectedly, the boss let us all go at noon.  I was thrilled!  An extra half a day to get writing done!

Well, I had to do some cleaning first because the cat got sick, but I was thinking while I was doing it.  And then I half convinced myself that I would take a nap before I wrote.  But the doc was open on my computer, and I thought I would just write for a few minutes while the drier finished doing its thing.  But then, yeah, I got sucked in to the story and a couple of hours and four thousand words later, I had a completed draft.  I am not ashamed to admit I did a butt wiggling happy dance.  Because all the words, every last one of them, were on the page.

I edit as I write, so now it’s reading it through and making tweaks.  About a dozen times.  I’ll be getting more feedback, and I’m sure a few changes will happen then.  The Admiral, who has been reading along as I write, likes this one.  He’s pushing for sequels.  And if I’m honest, my characters are pushing for them too.

One of the reasons I was so anxious to get this draft done was because I’m anxious to get started on the next.  It’s still a trilogy, as I have it planned.  I need to plot the next book, as I only  have the beginning in my head (and of course, the end, because we all know how it’s going to end) and the third book is already plotted.  Incidentally, that was going to be the second book, but now I’ve realized timeline wise, it works better as the third so it’s gotten pushed back.

I’ve got to focus some attention on the upcoming flash fics–I have the challenges and the ideas, I just need to get them on the page–but my focus for the foreseeable future is this series.  Once I get this story as polished as I can make it, I’ll submit it and hope.  There’s work to do there yet (including writing the synopsis, of which I am not a fan).  But I’ll also be working on the next two because this world and these characters won’t leave me alone.  Yes, each book focuses on a different set of MCs, but I’m hooked and I’m involved.  I’m barely taking a breather this time, because it’s the same world and I get to see my guys again even as I write about different guys in their circle, and I’m not feeling the usual mourning that takes place when I finish writing a story.

But for now, that draft is done because I have the entire story on the page.  And I count that as a win.

Last night, my sister and I booked a hotel for a mini-vacation.  Just a weekend away to do a couple of fun things and relax and hang out.  Nothing too extravagant or noteworthy, honestly. Just away.  It’s going to be awesome.  And it’s only a couple of weeks away.

You have no idea how much I’m looking forward to it.  Like, an insane amount.  The break from the everyday is going to be exactly what we both need.  For the next two weeks, I’m going to be giddy with anticipation.  Better yet, it’ll be a reward.  Because by the time we go, I’ll have finished the first draft of my current WIP.

I set myself a little deadline, and it’s fast approaching.  But I have full confidence that I’ll be able to do it.  Because I’m in the home stretch.  Just a few more chapters to go.  And I’m so excited about that.  Last night I managed to figure out (with a little help) what was wrong with the scene that I was writing, so I can fix  that and move forward.  And then, there’s only three chapters left, give or take.  Maybe an epilogue too.  But at any rate, it’s nearly done.

So a sister time weekend to look forward to.  And I’ll be able to do it with the knowledge that the story is finished.  And that will let all the new plot bunnies in.  😀

Like many an author, my brain is never far from my story.  Yes, real life intrudes and I have other things that I must do.  There’s the evil day job, and family obligations, and yarn.  But even when I’m doing all the things that are other, there’s a part of my brain that is ready to jump into thinking about my story at a moments notice.  And that part engages at the oddest times, with little provocation, and then there’s something that I just have to think about story-wise.

So I make notes.  I jot stuff down.  When I’m at work, there’s a little pad on the side of my desk that I sometimes have to grab and write on.  I keep the empty envelopes from my paychecks in my purse for the express purpose of having a blank space to write on should the need arise.  I have a yellow legal pad sitting by the laptop, ready and waiting, just in case.

Sometimes, I very much like to write long hand notes.  Like a lot a lot.  See the thing is, my hand writing is atrocious.  So very bad.  And, predictably, it gets worse the faster I write.  Most of the time, I still know what I wrote but not always.  And yet, I still do it.  I still like to write things out long hand.  Of course, when it comes time to read those notes and put them on the page in story form, I have a problem that transcends not just being unable to read my own writing.  They sit there beside my computer, and I have to constantly stop typing, to pick them up and read them, then put them back down and put my fingers back on the keys.  This interrupts the flow and is irritating.

The pattern keeper is my solution.

See, I bought this thing for my patterns when I yarn.  It’s kind of fabulous with the way it folds to stand upright and magnets to keep the pattern in place and track where you are in the pattern.  I thought it would be a fun present to myself.  And then I realized that I could use it for more than just patterns!  I can prop those hand written notes up beside me, and there they’d stay, and it is awesome!

I had no idea when I was tooling around, shopping for notions that went with my yarning obsession, I’d be helping the writing too.  But I have, and it’s fantastic, and I’m in favor of anything that makes my time spent at the computer easier.

It’s a curious thing, the writing process.

Monday night and Tuesday morning were really good for the words.  Like really good.  I wrote a whole bunch of them, a whole big bunch, and made really good progress on my WIP.  I also discovered that one of the plot points I had in my outline no longer worked at all, so I chucked that out and reworked some stuff.  And then I realized that one of the plot points I wanted in wasn’t on the outline, so I wrote that in.  And the last time I looked, I was solidly in the home stretch, because about five chapters from now, I’ll have a complete first draft.    Now that I’ve reworked the plot and it actually makes sense, I can see the end of the story very clearly.

That’s sort of an awesome feeling.

But the other thing that happened, is that the trilogy reshuffled itself as well.  What I originally thought was going to be the third book, is now actually going to be the second.  As the characters have solidified themselves and become clearer, I now see the way the stories are structured and how they need to change places.  It’s better for the overall narrative.  The other good thing is that these two guys are just awesome and I’m excited to tell their story.

But that’s next.  That’s after.  First I have to get this first story complete.  And I am laser focused on this story, because without it, nothing else can happen.

Here’s what I know for a fact though:  working from a rough plot outline helped immensely with this story.  Even though I had to reshuffle and replot, having that already on the page has made all of that so much easier.  Everything was right there before my eyes, which let me see what didn’t work.  Now, before I’ve always gotten the point where I jotted the story out in notes.  But I’ve never quite done it like this before.  I fully intend to attempt it again with story number two, and see if I can repeat the results. If only because I’ll inevitably need to reshuffle, and having it there in front of me makes that inordinately easier.

Okay, I’ll admit it.  I haven’t put any substantial words on the page in a few days.  Well, five is a few right?  Part of that, in all honesty, was the lazy showing through.  Part of that was me not managing my time well and having other things that needed to get done, and having to cram them together to get them done.  And one of those days was my birthday, on which I did nothing at all.  And a part of that was that I had edits for Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love and that’s important too, because that will be out in June!  But still, it’s been five days and I haven’t written much at all.

I hope I’ve learned my lesson this time.  I mean, really, it’s not the first time I’ve let procrastination and a bit of laziness dictate my life and cause me trouble.  I’ve gotten better about it in years past, but every once in a while, I fall back into bad habits.  I’m sure it’ll will sneak up on me again, but I’m hoping next time, when I start to get that way, I can say to myself “Remember what happened in March?!” and make myself do what I should.   I’m not quite over the hump yet, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel, so I should be able to get things squared away and back on track by the end of the week.

Which is why I say full steam ahead.  These guys, Aaron and Lucas, are itching to get to the meat of their story, and I’m almost–but not quite–to the half way point in their story.  And though I haven’t written the words on the page, I haven’t been neglecting them completely.  There has been plotting and some notes.  I sorted out a secondary character who’s about to make his appearance with the help of some friends who know much more about things than I do.  And if all goes according the plan, this will be a trilogy, connected by the world, and that secondary character will see his own story as well.  So I have been doing a wee bit of work.  Though I know it’s not enough.

At any rate, I’ve pretty much got the other parts of my life squared away, and a few more days will have that completely seen to.  And when it does, there we go.  Diving back into the world and writing this story.  I’m exciting to get back to it.  I left them hanging on the verge of a change, and I’m as anxious as they are to get them moving forward.

I love birthdays.  I do.  Not even just mine.  There’s something so fun and special about celebrating a person on the anniversary of their birth that I simply adore.  I blame my mother, as she’s always made a big deal out of birthdays.

As an exercise this morning, I was thinking about what my boys would have given me for my birthday…were they actually real and not figments of my imagination.  So I thought I’d share that with you.

From Worth It:

Jack’s gift–a Christmas tree ornament, shaped like a circus elephant

Ryan–handmade pine knitting needles (they sell them in the gift shop at Bennett’s)

From Hero Worship:

Alex–a generic dollar store card, but there would be a generous Visa gift card inside

Matt–A Jayne hat, from Firefly

From Pumpkin Rolls and Porn Sounds:

Joshua–Star Trek socks

Will–A cashmere scarf

From Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love (out in June!)

Ben–a trip to my LYS and I could pick any and all yarn I wanted

Zack–a painting of an Oak tree in autumn.

So there you  have it.  A little insight to my characters, how well they know me, and what they would deem appropriate gifts.  😀

Okay, wait, to be fair, I do take 12% of the blame.  I found the sub call in the first place.  But without his insistence encouragement, the story I’m working on right now wouldn’t be getting written.  I’d have abandoned it more than ten thousand words ago and moved on to something else. I would have decided that this story wasn’t worth telling.  If he wasn’t demanding it get written encouraging me along, I honestly would have given up.  I’d hit a bad patch, and I felt like I wasn’t prepared to write it.  I felt I wasn’t capable of telling this story.  He called bullshit, and pulled out his stern voice, and told me to stop making excuses and just write.

So I am.

He’s pretty much the only one to kick my ass.  Which is why he’s the Admiral.  Most everyone else is great at helping me make excuses.  Which, if I’m honest, I love.  They agree that it must be the story’s fault, not mine, and that it’s okay if I put it aside and don’t work on it.  But not him.  Oh no.  If I’m in need of asskicking, he does it without hesitation.  Which is, in reality, a very good thing.

So I’m writing this story because he wants me to.  But as I’m writing it, I’m falling in love with these boys and their story.  These guys are worming their way into my heart, and I’m actually very much enjoying them and their journey.  I’ve gotten to that place where I’m all full steam ahead, let’s get it written, I want to see this through all the way.  And I love that feeling.  So, as usual, the Admiral was right.  But that doesn’t make it any less his fault.

Of course, this time he’s even taken it one step further.  This time it’s not only just about the current story, but about the sequel with a secondary character that he’d like to see.  Will I indulge him that sequel?  Yeah, probably.  Because I already have the plot bunny and a very basic plot outline.  But I have to get this one written first.

So that’s what I’m doing.

But I’m still placing the blame squarely on his shoulders.

I have this bad habit, one I was reminded again about yesterday.  You see, I get all gung ho about a story idea, and I write, and then I sort of fizzle out, and then I just kind of…abandon the project.  And it sits there unfinished, boys in the middle of a scene, with no resolution in sight.

Now, sometimes, it’s because the story isn’t working.  It’s not the right story to tell, and it’s not going to get written.  Like Ben and Zack, from Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love (which will be out in June).  What I originally wrote, months and months and months ago…that wasn’t working.  But then there was a new idea, and I was able to bring those guys back and tell their story in a new and better way.

But most of the time?  Yeah, it’s all on me.  It’s because I hit a wall, or I find problems, and the work that needs to be done to tell the story just isn’t happening.  That’s my fault.  I have a WIP Roll the Dice, that’s just sitting because I couldn’t figure out the next part and these guys are just waiting for their story to be told.  That one I still think about from time to time, open up the doc, read along and love them, and then…I get to that point where it’s stopped and I still have no idea how to move the story forward.

And my current WIP?  It has no title and barely 5,000 words.  Except that one I actually have plotted out to the end, in rough terms, and I know where the story is going.  But I was still whining about writing it.  Still having issues.  And wanting to abandon it and work on something else.  Of course, I have someone lovingly breathing down my neck, telling me to just focus goddammit, and write the dang story.

So I am.  2k of those words I just put on the story yesterday, and I’m at the point where my MCs finally start moving toward each other.  It’s the early stages yet, and there’s some misconceptions working against them, but that will all be straightened out soon. We have a guy who’s in the closet by necessity, and another, our narrator, who will eventually sort everything out.

I use excuses to keep me from writing it.  I know I do.  “It’s bad.”  “I have edits coming up.” “There’s these other guys talking in my head.”  Whatever I can think of.  And it’s all true, but that doesn’t preclude me from writing these guys, from telling their story.

It’s a bad, bad habit.  But one I’m trying to break.

Joshua is mourning the loss of the great Leonard Nimoy.  You know that he’s a huge fan of Star Trek.  It started when he was just a child, a gift from his father, with the original series.  Spock was always one of his favorite characters.  He even dressed up as Spock for Halloween one year when he was about six, though none of his friends knew who he was.  It didn’t matter.  He admired Spock, and the man that played him, and he is very sad at his passing, though he knows the man lived a good life.  His heart is breaking.

Okay, yeah, that’s mostly me (though Halloween Spock was my brother) and it’s sad news. The world has lost someone great and I can only hope he rests in peace and is reunited with those who have gone before.

But before that happened, I got some very good news.  I’ll have another novella release in June!  As part of Dreamspinner Press’s June Daily Dose, Never Too Late.  It’s called Don’t Wanna Lose Your Love and is the story of Ben and Zack.  This one has a very special place in my heart, as it stemmed directly from a conversation, and afforded me the opportunity to bring back two MCs I had previously abandoned because their story wasn’t working.  Now it does, and though it’s still very low on the angst meter, I’m really excited about this story.  I love these guys, which I suppose is a good thing since I wrote them, and I’m thrilled to share their story with you.  I’m also excited because there’s only a three month wait.  It’ll be available for individual sale on June 1st, and as part of the whole package, if you chose to go that route.  I’m positively giddy to begin the production process, to polish this story till it shines, and to work with an amazing artist for the cover.  It’s going to be good, and I really can’t wait to share this story with you.