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I finished writing Something Like Peace.

I had a bit of a sequester last weekend, on Sunday and Monday, and I banged out more than 14k words.  That, combined with what was already written, brought me to the three quarters mark.  Ad when I called it quits on Monday night, I knew if I had one more day of solid writing, I could get the book done.  Because I only had three chapters left to write.

It ended up being four chapters, because some stuff happened that I didn’t plan, but it’s all good.  And the book is complete.

I edit and tweak as I go, sometimes a little obsessively, so it’s a pretty solid final draft right now.  I’m sure I’ll make a few other changes as I read through it again, get some feedback, and the like.  But it won’t be more than a couple of weeks before I send it in to the publisher, with hopes of seeing it on the shelves in several months.

I am, as always, a little bit in love with my guys.  There’s something about this pair that I just adore.  I really liked watching them fall in love.

So I’m going to take the next couple weeks off from writing, other than polishing up SLP to get it ready to send in.  I don’t know what I’ll be working on next, but I have some vague ideas.  We’ll have to see what percolates and shakes out.  But a little break is definitely in order, relax a bit, get my head clear.  And I’m looking forward to that a whole lot too.

I did some good work this past weekend!  I wrote a lot of words, and I took a manuscript that was barely a quarter finished to three quarters done. I have three chapters left to write.  Maybe four, depending on the words that actually happen.  It’s a day’s work, maybe a little more, and I’m really excited to finish this story.

I’m kind of in love with these guys, which isn’t a surprise, because I always fall a little bit in love with whomever I’m writing.  I’m digging their story, and I really like that I’m in the groove, the zone, and the words are flowing easily.  After having gone so long with real life getting in the way, making things difficult, and stressing me out so the words just didn’t happen, it was really nice just to sit down and write.  And with the story so close to being done, and me being able to see how the rest of it goes, I’m anxious to get it down on the page.

Not in the least because if I can manage that within the next week, I’ll have met my original deadline despite life conspiring and that pleases me.

Of course, I’m also at the point that always and inevitably happens.  That point where I’m second guessing every choice I’ve made with these guess, overthinking every plot point, and absolutely convinced it’s a crap story.  I’m kind of constantly reminding myself that I have people who will read it before I send it to the publisher, and those people will tell me what needs fixing. And I can fix it.

(There’s also another element here, where I’m terrified of disappointing, as well as it being the third book, which is almost always, without fail, my favorite in a series, so there’s internal pressure I’m trying very hard not to succumb to.)

At any rate, I did very well on my writing quest, and that included interruptions this time.  I’m in the home stretch.  So hopefully in the next few weeks I’ll have a completed manuscript in the publisher’s hands, and I might be able to tell you when it’s going to hit the shelves.

I’ll do my damnedest anyway.

I’ve taken the day off from the day job today with the express purpose of spending the day with the fun job. Writing.  A sequester of sorts, to really make some progress on Something Like Peace.  Yesterday I managed to add more than 7,000 words, and today I intend to do the same.  If not more.  We shall see.  SLP is at the halfway point now, which is also the turning point, and I’m loving it.  And after a retrieving a second cup of coffee, I’ll get to it.

Everything about this book is in my head.  I just need to pull it out and put it into words so you all can see it too.  It’s not always the easiest thing.  It’d be great if I could show you pictures of the way the guys looked, so I didn’t have to try to explain it.  But I can’t just whip those out because they aren’t inspired by famous people and I only see what they look like in my brain.  (Except Vincent, but I can’t show you him either because he’s based kind of on a real person.  Trust me, he’s hot.)  It’d be freaking fantastic if I could plug directly into my brain and record the images and scenes that I see, so that you can get the true, full experience of the story. But that’s not possible either.

So I’m putting in the work to get the images translated into words.  So you can see.  So you can follow along as the story progresses and watch two very deserving guys find love.  And today I get to bring out their hurt and fear and worry, delve into some scary emotions, before I make things happy again.

I can’t wait for you guys to see what’s in my head this time.

I’d love nothing more than to be an author, first and foremost.  For that to be my primary focus all the time.  Writing gives me a solace and a creative outlet that I need to function, and to be able to put the words on a page, and craft a story I can share with the world is one of my greatest joys.  Sometimes greatest frustrations too, but that’s a different blog post.

But it can’t be my primary focus, not right now.  Maybe not ever.  And I deal with that in my own way.  But because it’s not, there is a lot of life I have to deal with and sometimes it gets in the way of writing.  And sometimes it feels like it’s all conspiring against me.

The last few months have been stressful, incredibly so, as I’ve been dealing with issues at the evil day job that keep getting worse.  The last week and a half, there’s been family issues too, things going on that I can’t control and that all I can do is worry about. The combination has taken it’s toll on my poor brain.

Basically, I’m a piping hot mess of worry and that’s not the most conducive mindset for writing.  I’ve been able to scrabble out a few words.  The flash fics too.  And I will keep plugging along.  But things are slow.  It’s hard to get the focus.  And I’m putting pressure on myself in a lot of directions.

The point of this post?  To say that I may be scarce for a bit longer, and that I’m not doing much writing.

Brandon and Jared will entertain you again on Friday with their continuing saga.  They can’t wait to share it with you.  I can’t wait for you to read it either.  The flashes will happen no matter what else goes up here.  And I’ll be back just as soon as I can

As you can imagine, I follow a lot of blogs/authors/sites having to do with the m/m community. It’s a great place to be and most of the time there’s a lot of fun and entertaining things.

Sometimes authors talk about their processes, how they get the words on the page, what weird quirks they have, and I love that. I love hearing how other people’s brains work. So these posts/conversations alway catch my interest. 

But sometimes they turn into instructions, about how one HAS to write or should be doing it and that’s when I’m left feeling inadequate. Like I’m doing it wrong. 

I hate that. 

It’s only recently that I’ve come to accept that my process is what works for me and it’s not wrong or bad or anything else. It’s right, for me, and that’s all that matters. 

Look here’s the thing. I don’t write everyday. Sometimes it’s better for me not to write for a whole week, even two, and then really get into the zone and write non stop for ten hours on a Saturday. 

I need concrete motivation. I like to set the timer for an hour and write like mad until it goes off, and then take a break and play a game or something. Yes an hour. Not 15 or 20 minutes. Yes an hour is a long time.  But that’s what I need. That’s the sweet spot, the amount of time that works best for me. 

And I need accountability. Which is where my rough outline of major plot points comes in handy. Not only does it give me a basis to write off of, but it allows me to hold myself accountable for what needs to get written. And once I gave myself permission to view that outline as completely and totally changeable I was able to use it in that manner and to get stories written. 

So this is what works for me. I’d never presume to tell anyone else this is how they should do things. It took me a lot of trial and error for figure out what I need as a writer to work, and it took a long time to accept that this is okay. Because there are a lot of how tos out there that are very specific about what should be done in order to be successful. But we’re all different and our brains work in different ways. This is how mine writes a story. 

Something Like Trust is out! Woo!  You can get it directly from Amber Allure or hop over to ARe.  It’s not up on Amazon yet, but that should be soon.

I hope you get it and I hope you like it.  These guys are near and dear to my heart.  There is something about their relationship that I just love, and I’m so excited for them to be out in the public and for everyone to have a chance to read their story, should they wish.

If you haven’t read the first one, this story definitely stands on it’s own.  You won’t have any trouble following along.  Each book in the series will work just fine as a standalone.  Except maybe the last one, but that’s far down the road at this point.

Because I’ve just (finally!) started writing Something Like Peace, and I’m more than five thousand words in.  This one has been a challenge from the beginning; first it got pushed off to the third book, then it was replotted three times, there was the whole drama with losing the outline and having to do it all over again.  Day job has been crazy stressful for months now, and I’ve been working long hours.  It’s been one thing after another, keeping me from writing it, and some of it has been my own head.

But now, I’ve begun.  I just jumped right in.  And I can see the whole story taking shape before me.  I don’t know when I’ll actually get it done, but I’ll do my best not to procrastinate.  At least, not too badly.

So sit back and enjoy Something Like Trust. It’s on sale all week at Amber.  Take advantage of it.  Enjoy Jared and Brandon and watch them fall in love.

And know there is definitely more to come in this series.

While working security for a popular prime time television show, reservist Jared Connors meets guest star Brandon Culpepper. They are immediately drawn to each other, quickly discovering they are exactly what the other needs in a friend and a lover.

Even though Brandon is in town for only the duration of his guest-starring role, the men agree to have a short-term affair. When the filming is finished, however, it’s harder to let go than either man expected, but Brandon has to leave for another role. Their resolve for their relationship to end is soon tested when each realizes their emotions are more involved than they originally thought.

But figuring out a way for their very different lives to fit together seems an impossible task. Can they trust each other enough to find a long-term solution? 

Sound fun?  There is something about this story that I completely adore.  I love the relationship between Brandon and Jared.  I hope y’all enjoy it as much as I do.

So.  How about an excerpt?

You can buy it here.

“What about you, Brandon?” I liked saying his name. I liked the way it felt in my mouth.

He blinked those pretty eyes. “What about m-me?”

I grinned, doing my best to be charming, then turned so I was standing next to him. I made sure I was close enough that he could sense my presence, but I didn’t want him to feel pressured. I let my gaze scan the set, taking it all in, even as I spoke to him.

“Are you gay? If I were to ask you out, say for dinner at a quiet little hole-in-the-wall, out-of-the-way restaurant that has outstanding food, would you say ‘yes’? Or would you tell me that I’m barking up the wrong tree?” I knew I wasn’t, but I thought I’d give him the easy out if he wasn’t interested in me. I was fairly certain I wasn’t wrong about that either, but I was willing to give him the option of bowing out gracefully.

He let out a small, quiet laugh. “Barking is for d-dogs, Jared. Are you a dog?”

I heard the worry underneath the question he’d tried to say jokingly. I turned quickly, and gave him my full attention so he would not miss how serious I was.

“No, Brandon,” I assured him, my voice low but utterly sincere. “I am not a dog.”

Finally, he looked me in the eye of his own volition, his entire being focused on me. He studied me, and I let him. Then he took a deep breath, and I knew instantly that he believed me. Was, in fact, willing to trust me.

“Then I would say, yes, Jared. I am gay. And yes, I’d like to go to dinner with you.” His voice was soft, but there was no hint of the stutter that usually plagued his words. The relaxed set of his shoulders gave me the idea that he was comfortable in my presence, and I had to wonder if the stutter came out only with his nerves. The thought made me feel smugly proud.

“Outstanding,” I said, letting myself smile. “Are you free tomorrow evening?”

So I took a few days off from the evil day job, and I went away for a couple of days, and it was lovely and relaxing and just wonderful.  There’s something fantastic about being on your own, without an agenda to follow.  I got a little lazier than I intended, but a swift kick got me moving again and I had some great experiences and saw some great things.

And now I’m back.  A little more relaxed.  A little more recharged.  I needed it pretty badly, and it didn’t last nearly long enough of course, but it’ll do me for now.  With some of the stress lifted from my shoulders, I feel more grounded.  And that’s a very good thing.

I also got an insanely good plot bunny, with pictures, that I’ll be filing away for a bit.  But I’m looking forward to pulling that out in the future and writing it.

A relaxed writer is a happy writer.  And hopefully now I can begin to make headway.

And just a quick reminder!  This Sunday, Something Like Trust releases!

Since the beginning of this year, I’ve been working out a rough outline from which to work for everything I’ve written.  Though it’s prone to change and is by no means super detailed, it gives me a chance to work out plot holes before hand and to have something to guide me while I write.  It’s been working incredibly well, to have a little guidance, and during two novellas and a short story, I’ve come to rely on it.

So yesterday morning when I went to open the outline for the next story and couldn’t find it anywhere, you can imagine that I freaked out a little.

Okay.  A lot.

I’d put in the work, I’d replotted the dang story three different times, and that one was the right one, finally, the story that was supposed to be written.  And even though I wrote it a few weeks ago (okay, a month), I hadn’t opened it again because between work and my own brain, I wasn’t ready to start it.  And then I was and the document was not there.

Or anywhere.  I scoured my entire hard drive.  I looked everywhere.  I handed the laptop to someone much more tech savvy than me, to see if he could find it.  And it wasn’t anywhere.  It was just gone.  Like I never saved it in the first place.  Which is the only explanation I have even though I’m an obsessive saver…to the point where I do it every few minutes sometimes, and back up my back ups.  I save to the hard drive, two different flash drives, and also the cloud. But this document I needed, my outline, no longer existed.

So I had to start from scratch and write it all over again.

Which sent me into a panicking tailspin.  I was utterly certain I wasn’t going to remember something important that I wanted to write, and it was going to be less of a story because of it.  I had another doc where’d I’d written down a few snippets from scenes that I had seen in my head over the last few weeks, so that gave me a little bit to work with.  And then, miracle of miracles, I found a hand written version of the very basic plot details.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  It wasn’t everything, and my hand writing was bad enough that I could not read all the words, but I had the very general plot, and the main plot points, and I could recreate my outline from there.

Which I did.

And saved it to every damn thing.

We’re good now. Panic has passed.  I definitely have my outline.  And I’m once again excited to write this book.

Releasing from Amber Allure on August 30th!

I just got the cover art, and I wanted to share it with y’all.  I’ll post buy links when I have them.  In the meantime, here’s the blurb:

While working security for a popular prime time television show, reservist Jared Connors meets guest star Brandon Culpepper. They are immediately drawn to each other, quickly discovering they are what the other needs.
 
Brandon is only in town for the duration of his guest starring role, but they agree to have a short term affair. When the filming is finished, it’s harder to let go than either expected, but Brandon has to leave for another role. Their resolve for their relationship to be over is soon tested when each realizes their emotions are more involved than they thought.
 
But figuring out a way for their very different lives to fit together seems an impossible task. They might need trust to find a way.