Author: Kristbethke

**This one was a definite challenge, which I know pleases the Admiral.  Cultural differences, a misunderstanding, and a farewell trip, led me to this.  I hope you like it**

A year.  I’d been living and working at the corporate headquarters in Weimar, Germany for an entire year.  Nose to the grindstone, shoulder to shoulder with a team of exceedingly intelligent men and women.  I’d been a fish out of water when I first arrived, the lone American on the project, and the only reason I’d been sent was because I had a good grasp of the language.  I’d been fortunate that the team I worked with took a liking to me and showed me the sights and only teased me a little when I didn’t understand some of the cultural differences.  They were good friends, and I’d come to rely on them. I was going to miss the holy hell out of them now that the project was completed and I was going home.

Even if not one single one of the fuckers could be bothered to throw me a going away party.

I shouldn’t have expected it, but I thought we were closer than that.  I thought they would miss me too, and would want to send me off in style.  As the date of my departure got closer, and still no one said anything, I thought perhaps it would be a surprise party.  But my train was leaving bright and early the next morning, it was nearly ten o’clock at night, and still nothing.  If I were completely honest, I was broken hearted about the whole thing.

I resigned myself to spending my last night in Germany on my own.  It hurt, but I’d deal with it.  I changed into my sleep wear and set about packing up the last of my things.  I’d already shipped several boxes home to the states, and since it was a company apartment, not much of what was left was mine.  I had two large suitcases and a duffle bag left, and I’d take that with me on the train to Berlin, and home on the plane.

The sudden pounding on my door scared the ever living shit out of me.  I took a moment to get myself under control before I cracked it open, then threw it wide.  Johann was a thing of beauty, tall, blond, and muscular.  He had a sharp wit, and a clever mind.  I’d been nursing a crush on the man for pretty much my entire stay.  But he’d never given me any indication that he was even the slightest bit interested, and since I didn’t want to get killed in a foreign country, I kept my mouth shut.

He sauntered in with that commanding swagger he had, and looked me straight in the eye.  “We all wonder why you never throw a party,” he said, his English a little stilted but his tone matter-of-fact.  “I think maybe you don’t know you should?”

I blinked, utterly confused.  “What?”

He gave me his patient smile.  “Here, when you go, you throw your own…” he trailed off for a moment, seemingly searching, and then his blue eyes lit up. “Goodbye party?  Is right term, yes?”

I took a minute to let that sink in.  “Really?”

Johann nodded, his grin shining.  “You leave tomorrow, so there is no time.  Instead, you and I, we take a trip.  I changed your flight home, and we’ll go on a…” His brow creased for a moment.  “A farewell trip.”

“Johann,” I said slowly, cautiously.  I loved the idea, of course.  But if it were just the two of us, I knew I would do something to show my interest and that could be all kind of disastrous.  More than that, I couldn’t figure out why Johann would want to do this.  We were close, yes, but a trip?  No, that wasn’t a good idea.  “I appreciate you wanting to make up for the misunderstanding but–”

Johann just shook his head and took a step closer to me, forcing me to look up at him and making my words dry up.  His blue eyes were soft with affection, and it took my breath away.  When he reached out to cup my cheek, my knees nearly buckled.

“You misunderstand,” he said quietly, emphasizing the word.  “It’s not because I want to ‘make up.’”  He stopped then, and continued on in German, apparently feeling like it would be easier to explain himself in his native tongue.  “You are leaving tomorrow, and I do not want to be parted from you.  So we will take this trip before you go home, get to know each other, so that when my transfer to the states comes through, we will be ready to start our relationship.”

“What?  I don’t–What?”

Johann captured me in his arms.  “You are not as subtle as you think, Kevin.  But this is not the safest place to be together, ja?  In your New York, it will be better.”

I nodded fast, all the feelings that had been building for the last year bubbling up.  He must have seen that on my face, because his grin was beautiful.  He bent toward me, but stopped before our lips touched.  “We will take this trip and then I will come to you in New York.”

It wasn’t a question, but I answered it anyway.  “Yes.”

The kiss tasted like promise and heat.  It was the best kiss of my life.

**Challenge director started the New Year off with a bang.  “Peonies,” he said with (what I imagine was) a slightly devilish smile. “And butter.  And a bed and breakfast.”  So here you go.  Enjoy!**

It was supposed to be a quiet, relaxing four day getaway to celebrate our anniversary.  Mason had planned the whole thing as a surprise, and I was more than willing to go along.  Even though I had to beg, plead, trade favors, and work overtime in order to get the time off from work.  We’d spent too much time apart lately, and we were in desperate need of reconnecting.  I couldn’t wait to have his undivided attention for four whole days, and to give him mine.

The bed and breakfast was practically on the shore of Lake George.  It was open year round, but since it was the off season, Mason had gotten a really good rate.  The drive had been long, and I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower, crawl between the sheets, and wrap my body around Mason’s.

The little elderly lady behind the desk checked us in quickly and efficiently.  I was actually surprised when we got a sweet smile and a pat on the hand instead of disgusted looks.  Mason took care of everything, and then assured the nice woman that we could find our room on our own when she handed over the key.

Tromping up the stairs, it wasn’t hard to locate which door was ours.  Mason unlocked it, then pushed the door open.  He stood back to allow me to enter first, and I gave him a tired smile as I stepped past him.  And stopped dead.

It had a king sized bed, which was nice.  But that was the only redeeming quality.  I rubbed my eyes, then blinked twice, just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.  I wasn’t.  The room was covered in flowers. Big pink blooms.  On the wall paper.  On the bedspread.  In the art on the walls and in a vase on the table.  They were everywhere.

I did the slow pan over the Mason.  He just laughed and gave a shrug.

“She did call it the Peony Room.”  He gave me a nudge out of his way, then pulled his suitcase in and shut the door.

I was still staring at him like he was nuts.  Then glanced around the room again.  My eyes nearly fell right out of my head.  “Butter.”

Mason gave me a puzzled frown.  “What’s that now?”

I gestured toward the tray where a peony covered teapot sat alongside a plate of cookies and muffins.  “The butter.   Even the pads of butter are carved into little peony shapes.  Who the hell does that?

Mason’s deep laugh made me scowl.  “Rory, honey, stop focusing on the flowers and start focusing on the fact that we’re alone together for four whole days with nothing to do but enjoy each other.  Be a good boy and unpack your suitcase.  Then I’ll help you take a shower.”  The eyebrow waggle was cute, but still my scowl deepened.  He reached out and flipped the lock on the door.

Since Mason wouldn’t let me get out of this monstrosity of a room, I did as he requested and unpacked my suitcase.  I grumbled the whole time, but I did it.  He was much more efficient than I was, and within a few minutes, he wandered into the en suite.  I heard the water turn on.  I moved quicker, wanting this task to be done.  I didn’t want Mason to start without me.

I’d just slid the last drawer closed when he appeared in the doorway.  His dark eyes were hooded, and he looked at me like he wanted to eat me.  I swallowed hard.  I loved it when he looked at me that way.

“Take off your clothes, sweetheart, and come see what I found.”

I stripped fast.  Mason disappeared in that moment I was pulling my shirt over my head.  When the rest of my clothes were in a heap on the floor, I practically ran to the bathroom.  Mason stood in the middle of the tiled floor, just as naked as I was, with a secret smile on his face.  He took a step to the side, and the sweep of his arm drew my gaze to what was behind him.

A tub.  A real claw-foot person sized tub.  Filled with steaming water, and looking like heaven on earth.  The noise I made was not exactly dignified, but Mason just laughed, took my hand and led me closer.  He steadied me as I climbed in.  The heat felt delicious as I sank down into the water.  My whole body gave a satisfied shudder.  And then Mason joined me, sliding in behind me and pulling my back up tight to his front.

I relaxed completely.  For the first time in what felt like ages, every muscle in my body was loose, all the tension gone.  Mason wrapped his arms around my waist, and one of his hands rubbed at my stomach.  A prelude to what would come later.  Right now, we were just enjoying each other.

I tipped my head back onto his shoulder and nosed along his jaw until he turned his head so that I could kiss him.  The pink blooms in our room notwithstanding, this was turning out to be an awesome vacation by virtue of this tub—and the man inside it with me—alone.

“Happy anniversary, sweetheart,” Mason said softly as he broke the kiss.

I just grinned.  “Happy anniversary.”

**Okay, this one…this one is a little different.  When challenge director said old man, candle, and the end of the year, this is what I saw immediately.  I hope you like it.**

I was not as agile as I used to be.  But I still had my wits about me, still held tradition close to my heart.  If I needed the cane to move around, I wasn’t too proud to use it.  If my hand shook as I placed the candle on the windowsill, it was at least sure enough that I didn’t drop it. If my fingers weren’t quite nimble enough to use the lighter, at least I could hold a match.

These days, I didn’t stay up late.  The mind was willing, but the body was feeling its years.  Maybe not quite as many as its actual age, but I was no longer a young man.  But on this day, I would remain awake.  Because there was something important I had to do.  And I had taken a nap earlier.

The house was quiet and still.  In a few more years, I probably wouldn’t be able to live on my own.  But that time hadn’t come yet, and for that, I was grateful. I needed to be here for this to mean something.  This house, this hour, this day.

“Grandpa?”

The tentative voice made me smile, and I turned just my head until I could see my grandson, my namesake, the boy who was my spitting image.  The boy looked so much like I had at his age it was uncanny.  We’d always been close, and it was the relationship I valued most in the world.

Michael stood in the doorway, holding the hand of his boyfriend and looking uncertain.  A cryptic message from his grandfather had probably gotten the boy all worked up.  No, not a boy.  He was twenty five and had been in a loving, committed relationship with Jacob for a couple of years now.

He’d been so nervous to tell me, certain that his macho, Marine veteran grandfather would turn his back on him once I found out he was gay.  He’d never expected my immediate acceptance. Though I had never told him why, tonight that would change.

“Come in, gentlemen,” I said softly.  My voice had mellowed in the last few years, and I spoke even more softly because of the occasion.  They both walked in and I motioned for them to sit on the sofa.  Michael looked a little scared, and Jacob sat closely by as if his presence could give Michael strength.  I was sure it did.

Once they were seated, I eased myself down into the recliner, making sure that I was still close enough to the window to light the candle once my story was finished.  It took me a minute to get situated, and Michael started to fidget.  Jacob’s firm hand on his knee helped to calm him.  I smiled.

“When I served in Korea, I fell in love,” I began.  “With another Marine in my platoon.  Carl was the most beautiful boy in the world, and we stole every secret moment we could to be together.”

Michael gasped, shock all over his face.  Then his expression morphed into a little bit of hurt.  “What?”

“Let him tell it, sweetheart,” Jacob murmured.

I nodded gratefully.  “We made plans, you see.  To get out, and be together once we were home.  When I mustered out first, Carl stole a kiss and told me to light a candle for him, that he would find me.”

I had to stop and take a breath, willing the tears not to fall.  “He didn’t make it home.  He died in combat.  On New Year’s Eve, 1952.  I would never see my beautiful boy again.  But I still light a candle for him, every year.”

The match shook in my hand as I tried to light it.  I struck it once, twice, but the little flint wouldn’t catch.  I bit back the curse, and tried again.  Suddenly, warm hands covered mine, and I looked up to see my grandson kneeling at my feet.  With a gentle smile, he took the book of matches from me, lit one, and gently held the flame to the candle until the wick caught.  The three of use remained quiet, and I kept my eyes fixed on that flame.

The memories were hard.  Carl’s smile made the sun pale in comparison, and his big, deep laugh could make even the most stoic of men crack.  He’d been a charmer, and I’d fallen for him within hours of meeting him.  I’d missed him every day of the last sixty-two years.  But on New Year’s Eve, when I lit his candle, I felt closest to him.  As if he was helping me let another year go and bring the next year in with his love surrounding me.

I lifted a hand and rested it on the top of Michael’s head.  He looked up at me with tears shining in his blue eyes.  He pressed my hand against his cheek, and I saw the love and understanding in his eyes.  He’d forgiven me for never telling him about myself.  And that was what I’d needed.

“I’m a sentimental old fool,” I said, my voice raspy with emotion.  “But I hope, when I’m gone, you’ll light Carl’s candle in my stead.”

Michael opened his mouth, then closed it.  He swallowed hard, squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, and then opened them to look me straight in the eye.

“We’ll light a candle for you both.”

**Challenge director issued a Christmas challenge, with a star, a donkey, and marshmallows.   I hope you enjoy!**

“The donkey is out again.”

I stared at my boyfriend in disbelief, but when I realized he wasn’t joking, I threw the clipboard with more vehemence than was necessary.  “What.  The.  Fuck?  Why can’t that fucker stay where he’s fucking supposed to?”

Colin sucked in a fast breath, his gaze darting around the narthex where we were standing.  When his attention landed on me, his expression was stern.  Okay, so swearing in a church probably wasn’t the best idea I’d ever had, but that fucking donkey was going to be the end of me.

When Colin talked me in to helping him organize the living nativity, I agreed because I thought it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.  And also because of his eyes.  Colin could work the puppy dog eyes with the best of them.  I was a sucker for his big blue eyes any day of the week.  But when they turned wide and pleading, I couldn’t deny him anything.

Properly chastised, I headed outside so that I could corral the wayward donkey.  The cow stayed where she was put, happily munching on hay.  Even the two fluffy sheep were happy to hang out in the corral we’d built around the patch of grass that served as the church’s front lawn.  But that damn donkey was a wily little fucker, and he kept escaping.

I found him ten feet down the road, plodding along like he didn’t have a care in the world.  Considering he was a donkey, he probably didn’t.  I grabbed the trailing lead rope that was attached to his halter.  Thankfully, the donkey was just as happy to change directions and head back toward the church.

Once I had him safely in the pen—again—I tied the rope to the post on the crèche and hoped this time he would stay put.  Other volunteers milled around, putting the final touches on the scene. The sun would be going down soon, and with the lights strategically placed to illuminate the actors, anyone who chose to drive or walk by was in for a real treat.

I wasn’t a religious man, and I certainly didn’t attend church.  But I didn’t begrudge Colin the peace that he found in worshipping or being a part of the community.  He was my reason for everything, so he was the reason I was here organizing and corralling humans and animals alike.  Besides, Christmas was a week away, and even a curmudgeon like me could get into the holiday spirit.  Especially when I had a blue eyed angel asking me to.

I futzed around with the last of the décor, wanting it to look good so that my man’s efforts were noticed and recognized.  Colin was a flurry of activity, scrambling to get everyone and everything in their places.  It looked fantastic to me, and I actually grinned as the actors started to file into the area.  Shepherds, the Wise Men, Mary and Joseph, even a real baby to stand in for Jesus; everyone looked fantastic.

“Henry?”

The sound of my name in my boyfriend’s tenor voice never failed to instantly grab my attention.  I looked at him where he was standing at the side of the manger, and then dropped my gaze to what he had in his hand.  I quirked an eyebrow in question, and he gave me a beautiful smile.

“Care to do the honors?”

I nodded, touched that he was giving me this gift.  I glanced at the donkey one more time to make sure he was where he was supposed to be before I crossed the grass to where Colin stood.  I kissed his cheek, loving the soft sigh he gave at the affection, and then took the switch from his hand.  A few more seconds, and darkness fell in earnest.  With a grin, I pressed the switch, watching in awe as the huge star I’d rigged above the manger lit up. For just a second, it actually took my breath away.  It was some of my best work.  An electrician by trade, and a glassblower by hobby, I’d made the eight pointed star a couple of weeks ago.  After painstakingly sculpting the blue and white glass until it was perfectly proportioned, I then wired it so it would sparkle with the perfect amount of light.

There was a collective gasp from the gathered onlookers, and then a round of applause. I bowed and grinned cheekily, incredibly proud of myself.  As the actors took their places, Colin took my hand and led me twenty feet away to the side of the church where a table had been set up with hot beverages and donut holes.  I grinned as he fixed us both cups of hot cocoa, and then reached into the bag of mini-marshmallows and added two handfuls to my mug.  I took the cup with a grateful smile, and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Thank you,” he said softly after a couple of minutes.  The entire area was quiet, except for the occasional animal noises.  Everyone was reverent in honor of the manager scene.  I appreciated the respect, and the silence in the crisp, cold night was rejuvenating.

“I know this isn’t your thing,” Colin continued, leaning heavily against my side.  I lifted an arm and pulled him in close, sharing my body heat.  “I appreciate all your help.  I couldn’t have done it without you.”

“You could have,” I disagreed.  “But any time you need me, all you have to do is ask and I’ll do whatever I can to help you.”

His grin was breathtaking, and just a little bit teary.  “I know.”

I returned the smile, took a drink from my mug, and then leaned down to place a quick, chaste kiss on his lips.  “Merry Christmas, baby.”

Colin’s grin, if possible, grew wider.  “Merry Christmas.”

**Challenge director said Christmas tree on a beach and burned burgers, so I brought back Luis and Shane for another week to tell the story.  Enjoy!**

When Luis and I met in the pet store a year ago, I thought we’d have nothing more than a hot fuck or two and then move on with our lives.  But despite our differing pet preferences, we’d somehow made it work.  It hadn’t always been easy, but we were still going strong.  I loved him, though I hadn’t told him yet, and I was pretty certain he loved me just as much.

I wanted to ask him to move in.  I wanted to be with him every day.  But I just didn’t know how.  And I couldn’t see how it would work long term.  My cat hated him, and Luis hated Angel right back.  There was no way they would ever learn to get along.  I couldn’t give either of them up, but I couldn’t imagine a peaceful cohabitation.

Nicodemus was easier to get along with.  I wouldn’t say I actually liked him, but I could tolerate him.  Nico was huge, full of an energy I just couldn’t understand, and was always attempting to knock me over.  But he was a big goofball, and vehement about protecting me from the rabbits in the backyard when I was the one that let him out at night.  At least if we were in the same house, I didn’t fear getting scratched to hell or hissed at constantly.  Luis didn’t have the same luxury.

For months, I’d been trying to come up with some sort of solution but I couldn’t see anything that wouldn’t end up with at least one of us miserable.  Besides, Luis had never once brought up the topic in conversation.  It made me think that he didn’t want to live with me.  Or perhaps he just couldn’t see a way for it to work either.

I pushed all that aside, though, because Luis had arrived on my doorstep.  With a final pat to Angel’s head, I met Luis on the porch.  He was just gorgeous all over, and even after all this time, he still took my breath away.  I sincerely hoped that never changed.  Luis gave me a sweet but heat laden kiss, and then held up a scarf.  I stared at it suspiciously, and when he motioned for me to turn around, I gave him a wary glance before complying.

He wrapped the scarf around my eyes.  The wool was scratchy, and I had to fight not to pull it off.  It was dense, and dark, and when he asked me if I could see, I shook my head no.

“What’s going on?” I asked, a little bit of fear and worry leaking into my tone.

He kissed me softly on the cheek, and then his breath gusted over my ear before he whispered, “Just trust me.  I have a surprise for you.”

His deep voice made me shiver, and I was nodding before I made the conscious decision to agree.  Luis took my hand and led me off the porch, helped me sit in the passenger side of his car, and then shut the door soundly.  Before he made it around to the driver’s side, I heard panting a second before a wet nose was pressed into my neck.  I pulled a face, and leaned out of reach.

“Hi, Nico,” I said quietly, giving the dog an awkward pat.  At least I managed to get a hand on fur.  Nico gave a little, happy bark, though it echoed loudly in the confines of the car.

Luis took my hand and placed it on his thigh once he was situated in his seat.  He made small talk as we drove, but with my vision cut off, I was finding it very hard to concentrate on the conversation.  I dug my fingers into Luis’s thigh, using the contact as a way of grounding myself.  I must have gripping too hard, because after a while, Luis reached down and loosened my hold, rubbing his fingers along mine.

“You’re all right,” he said.  His voice was low and reassuring, and I relaxed just a fraction.  “We’re almost there.”

I nodded fast.  I trusted him, or else I wouldn’t be doing this, but it was very disconcerting.  I blew out a relieved breath when Luis finally stopped the car.  I felt another kiss on my cheek, the Luis told me to wait while he came around and opened my door.

Once I was standing on my own two feet, I could tell the ground was different.  I shifted my shoes ever so slightly.  The feeling was familiar, but it took me a few seconds to realize I was standing on sand.  He’d brought me to the beach?  In the winter?  What the hell was my boyfriend up to?

Luis took my right hand and brought it down until my fingers came into contact with Nico’s warm fur.  With a little bit of coaxing, I gripped onto the dog’s collar.  Nico was tall enough that I barely had to lean.  Luis kept a hand on me until I was stable, and then I sensed him taking a step back.

“Just another minute, okay?”  His voice was still soft.  “Trust Nico.”

I nodded again.  The dog kept me safe from vicious rabbits, I figured he wouldn’t let me walk into the lake.  I heard Luis walking away, and I almost called out to him.  I bit my tongue just in time.  He’d asked me to trust.

The time seemed to stretch indefinitely, but finally, Luis called out in a strong sure voice.  “Nico!  Come!”

When the dog started walking forward, I had no choice but to follow. Nico seemed to sense that I was at a disadvantage, because he moved slowly and leaned against my leg as if he thought that would give me extra support.  We walked for perhaps twenty feet before Nico stopped, and I stumbled a little next to him.  I took a deep breath, and was assaulted by unusual scents.  Sure there was the smell of the lake, of the sand, of the cold crisp air.  But inexplicably I also smelled pine.  And…was that cooking beef?

The scarf was suddenly pulled from my face, the wool crackling with static electricity as it passed over my hair.  I blinked in the twilight, my eyes having to adjust after so long in the dark.  When I could focus, my jaw actually dropped.  There, planted right on the beach, was a fully decorated Christmas tree, complete with twinkling lights.  Next to it was a small patio table, two chairs, and a portable kettle grill where burgers were happily sizzling away.

“What the fuck?” was out of my mouth before I could check it.  Luis just laughed, used to my language by now.

“With Christmas only a couple of weeks away, and both of us busy with a thousand different family obligations, I thought we could have our own special little Christmas right here.”

“On the beach?” I asked in disbelief, then winced at how accusatory it sounded.  Luis, however, was unfazed by my tone.  He just gave me a little smile, and a half shrug.

“It’s romantic.”  Luis tried to tug me closer, but my brain was still stuck on the Christmas part of the equation.

“Your presents are still at home.  You could have told me and I would have brought them.  Shit, Luis, how can we have Christmas without—”

He cut me off with a hard, deep kiss.  The kind of kiss that usually led to him laying me flat and fucking me hard.  When he pulled back, my lips felt swollen and I was panting for breath.  He grinned down at me, his dark eyes sparkling.

“The only present I need from you is for you to say yes.”

“Yes to what?”  I was still breathing hard.  Maybe I missed something.

“Move in with me,” he said earnestly.  His face was serious as he gazed into my eyes.  Then a huge smile broke out on his face.  “I found this sweet little house that I know you’re going to love.  I want you to look at it with me.  There’s already a fenced in yard for Nico. And there’s an enclosed sunporch that your little devil is going to adore. And I won’t ever go out there, it’ll be his space, so he won’t feel the need to scratch the ever living hell out of me.  It’ll be perfect.”

“Yes,” I said.

“I swear, Shane.  We can make it work.  Angel and I won’t ever be best friends, but at least we’ll tolerate each other a little better and—”

This time I was the one to cut him off with a kiss.  He grinned down at me when brought it to a close.  “I already said yes.”

He gave a whoop of joy, a sound I hadn’t ever heard him make.  He kissed me again and again, murmuring thank you in between the meeting of our lips, and I couldn’t help but grin at his enthusiasm.  This would probably be a good time to tell him I loved him.

“Luis?”

He gazed at me with adoration.  “Yes?”

“Your burgers are burning.”

**You must be forewarned. This is not my typical flash fic.  This is something else entirely.  This is me wanting to stretch my writing muscles, trying for something completely other, and the challenge director helping me out.  This is so dark there is no light.  Be prepared**

He was gone. Never coming back under any circumstances kind of gone.  I’d given up hope of that a long time ago.  I was dead inside.  He’d been my world, my light, my reason for being on this planet.  I knew I pushed him away.  Poked and prodded at his wounds until he had no choice but to disappear to save himself.  And I literally felt my heart break, knowing I hurt him that badly.  Knowing that I’d done this to us.  I’d lost nearly everything when he walked out the door. And cocaine had taken the rest.

The coke made me feel better, filled in the hole in my soul.  Good drugs could do that.

I’d do anything for my next fix.  Which was why I was on my knees in a dark alley, watching as the stranger zipped up and trying not to vomit from the taste of unwashed cock and cum.  I wiped my mouth, my hands no longer shaking. He’d given me a bump, with the promise of dime bag. This was worth that.

The cold was seeping into my jeans, my knees were starting to hurt, and just as I opened my mouth to tell the fucker to give me what I was due, there was menacing laughter from the mouth of the alley.  I scrambled up, flight instincts kicking in despite the high, but I didn’t get far.  The big jackass grabbed my arms, pinning me to the brick wall.  The first punch was to my kidney, and I went down, my face scraping against he rough wall.  I didn’t bother to try to fight.  Other voices joined, other boots and fists, but the only noises I made were the involuntary ones of pain I couldn’t help.

A well placed kick and everything went blessedly dark.  I would finally meet my end.

***

The craving was strong, but I’d been in a coma during the worst of the withdrawals.  The DTs had passed, and I was just desperately seeking the relief my drug gave me. The morphine pumping through my veins did not even come close.

The concussion had healed.  The fractured leg, arm, and ribs would take longer.  Pretty soon they’d be kicking me loose.  They’d sent psychologists and social workers, trying to help.  They told me about therapy, about rehab, about how I could turn my life around.  I could kick the habit, and start living my life again.

I had a choice, I knew.  I could take their help, let them get me into a program.  I could work the system and get clean.  And that’s what they all wanted.  They assured me it didn’t have to be like this, that I could be a meaningful and productive member of society again.  If I was willing to put in the work.

I didn’t bother to tell them my life was not worth living without him.  They wouldn’t listen, and they’d give me nothing but platitudes.  The empty ones I had heard a dozen times before.  They didn’t matter.

He was gone.  And I was going to shove lines up my nose until I was gone too.