Author: Kristbethke

The publisher has asked for some revisions on Hearts and Hazelnuts. Not a bad thing at all!

Okay, yeah, it’s always a little bit of a blow when you’re told to fix something. Of course it is. So I needed to mope about that for a minute or two. And then, almost immediately, I started planning where I could make the revisions/expansions/additions. It will enhance the story, of course it will. And flesh it out more. I’m all for that.

I just don’t have a lot of time to get it done.

With Ghostwalker also having a deadline.

Basically, I will have to write my little fingers to the bone, quick quick quick, with extreme focus.

So yeah, focus has been a little bit of a problem. I’ve got two stories that need writing on, and waiting to hear on a third, so I’m feeling scattered. But I’ll put it together and get it done. I don’t have a choice if I want these stories out in the world. And I very much do.

Revisions before deadlines, here I come.

**Once again, we delve into the world of prompts! It’s been quite a while since we’ve done these, but we’ve decided to pick it back up again. So without further ado, I bring you a flash fic based on a very specific prompt. It was much more involved, but it boils down to someone needing space, an accident, and being there anyway. Enjoy!**

Moping.

That’s what he was doing. And he knew it. Jason picked up his phone for about the hundredth time that day, millionth time that week, to call Nick only to remember yet again that they were currently on a break.

Because Nick “needed space.” Whatever the fuck that meant.

A year ago, Jason would never have thought he’d have given his heart so fully to another man. He didn’t think he was capable of that kind of love. He’d made it to thirty-five without ever feeling the need to fully commit to someone. He was happy dating until they both got tired and moved on. But then he ran into Nick, literally, and his world changed.

Jason had been walking out of the coffee shop and Nick had been walking in. Only Nick wasn’t paying attention to what was going on, his gaze focused on the phone in his hand, and slammed right into Jason. Coffee covered them both, and embarrassment flooded Nick’s face. A replacement drink and an offer to pay Jason’s cleaning bill had somehow translated to an hour’s conversation. Which became a date. Which became a weekend in bed, and naked breakfast. They’d been inseparable ever since.

At least, Jason thought they had. Until Jason said the L word and suggested they finally move in together and Nick had paled and asked for the dreaded space. Which, of course, Jason gave him because there was nothing Nick could ask for that Jason wouldn’t give. And Jason spent the past week moping like a teenage girl because he wanted Nick with him. Not off doing…whatever the hell he was doing.

Jason tossed the phone down and sighed heavily, flopping back against the couch and rubbing his hands on his face. He really thought Nick would have called by now. Nick’s past relationships hadn’t been good, and one had been downright scary, so Jason understood his man’s need for caution. Ultimately, that was why Jason agreed to let Nick go for a bit. Not entirely, and he made that clear, but he knew if he pushed too hard, Nick would end things for good. At least this way he knew Nick would come back. But that didn’t stop him from wanting Nick right beside him, curled up in front of the fire, cozy and warm and together as the storm raged outside.

The snow had been falling for twenty-four hours, and the city had all but shut down. It would have been the perfect time to snuggle together and forget the rest of the world existed. Instead he was alone and missing Nick.

The phone rang, and Jason snapped it up the second he saw Nick’s sister’s name flash across the screen. Why in the hell was Amanda calling?

“Hello?”

“Oh my god, JJ!” Amanda’s voice was shrill and panicked. “He’s all banged up and they won’t let me back there and you have to come because I don’t know what’s going on and—”

“Whoa whoa, slow down.” Jason’s heart thudded in his chest and he stood fast. “What’s going on?”

“Nicky! He got caught in the storm and he crashed into a ditch and he was there for hours before someone found him.”

Jason was already running for the door. “Which hospital?” He hit the button on his key fob to start his car then started pulling on his boots, trying not to drop the phone.

Amanda told him and he assured her he’d be there as soon as he could. She urged him to be careful but she didn’t have to worry. Not only did he live on a main road and was only ten minutes from the hospital, but his truck was heavy and had all wheel drive.

Jason still drove with extreme caution, and the buildup of snow and ice meant it took more than thirty minutes to go six miles. He kept the panic at bay only because he needed to focus, and it would serve no one if he ended up in a ditch too. Fortunately, there was no one else on the roads, and though he had to go slowly, he made it without incident.

He found Amanda the moment he finally made it into the waiting room. She told him everything she knew at that point, which was very little, and then they sat huddled together, ignoring the TV. Eventually, after what seemed like hours, a doctor came in.

“He’s fine.” The doctor offered a warm smile. “Well, not fine. He has a couple of pretty serious contusions, a broken wrist, and a couple of bruised ribs. And even though he was out there for a couple of hours and was pretty hypothermic, he doesn’t have frostbite. We’ll keep him for a day or two, but he should make a full recovery with a little time and care.”

The relief flooded Jason and was so acute his knees actually went weak. The doctor told them they could head up to the sixth floor as Nick was being moved to a room as they spoke. Amanda and Jason were quick to head for the elevators. When they got there, Amanda insisted he go in first, that she would give them some time. Jason almost told her that he and Nick were technically on a break and Nick probably didn’t want to see him. But he needed to see with his own eyes that Nick was all right.

Jason quietly entered the room. Nick’s eyes were closed, and he seemed to be sleeping. There was a small bandage on his forehead, a cast on his wrist, and he was propped up a bit. Otherwise, he looked no worse for the wear. Jason’s heart pounded, and he was caught by indecision as he didn’t know whether he should step closer or leave altogether.

Nick’s eyes popped open, and he stared for a moment before he whispered, “What are you doing here?”

There was a squeezing pain in his chest, but Jason stood firm. He didn’t walk closer, didn’t take Nick’s uninjured hand like he wanted to, but he didn’t leave either.

“Amanda called,” he said softly, gaze roving all over Nick’s face. “Scared the shit out of me, hearing you’d been hurt.”

Nick closed his eyes and let out a sigh, then winced like even that hurt. “But we’re supposed to be taking time apart.”

“I know you need space, and I’ll leave. But goddamn, I needed to see you were all right.” Jason took an involuntary step forward, then caught himself. He fisted his hands so he didn’t reach out. “I love you. Remember that, okay?”

When Nick didn’t say anything, Jason let out a breath. Nick was okay. He was talking and the doctor said he’d make a full recovery. That was enough for now. He’d go back to the waiting room and hang out, check to make sure Amanda could get home safely, and then leave. He turned to go, and made it almost to the door before he heard it.

“Jason.” That’s it. Just his name. But it was the sweetest sound in the world. He turned back, and Nick offered him a shaky smile. “Stay.”

Jason was at Nick’s side in an instant, reaching out and taking Nick’s hand in his, being careful of the IV. Nick squeezed his fingers

“I was just scared, you know.” Nick’s voice was barely audible, and Jason leaned in closer. Jason didn’t have to ask to know what he was talking about. “Still am. But I could have died out there.”

Immediately, Jason saw where this was going. He bent his head and brushed his lips over Nick’s knuckles. “Now’s not the time to be making any decisions, baby. Just focus on healing, and then we’ll figure out us.”

“I think you’ve got us pretty well figured out all ready.” There was humor in Nick’s voice, and his lips quirked into a tiny smile.

“I do. And you’ll get there. I’ll wait.”

Nick relaxed, like that was exactly what he needed to hear, and a minute later, was fast asleep. Jason didn’t let go of his hand. He had no doubt they’d sort things out. He wouldn’t push, but now Nick knew he wasn’t going anywhere. Would really be there any time for anything.

Jason knew that was exactly what Nick needed. At least one good thing came out of this accident. If Jason had his say, it would be a tiny blip on their way to happily ever after. But as it was, it was enough for now.

This past year, Dreamspinner Press started releasing stories in the Dreamspun Desire line. Category romances ala Harlequin but for M/M. I thought it was a nifty idea, simply because that was the romance I grew up on. I’m sure I’ve shared this story before, but I’ll do so again.

My Oma subscribed to Harlequin, several different lines, and every month, she got several boxes filled with four paperback Harlequins. For a long time, I thought this was how romance was written. And I coveted those books. When I was far too young, I started stealing them. Yeah, that sounds awful. But Oma couldn’t share them with me because, as I said, I was really too young to be reading them. As was Sis, who is three years younger than I am. But we wanted them and so we devised a very sneaky plan to get them. We’d head over to Oma’s house with an empty backpack and we would hang out with her. But she took naps, of course she did. So I would hide around the corner, and Sis would “play” in the front room with an oversized truck. She’d drive it over to the box by Oma’s chair, where she was snoring away, slip a few books into the truck, and then drive it over to me. We never took too many, maybe 12 or 15, and then we’d play some more, hang out, before we eventually couldn’t stand it anymore and walked back home.

To this day, I still don’t know if Oma knew we took them or not. But probably she did.

Once we got home, we’d race up to my room and read all the blurbs, deciding which ones we wanted. We had a system of who got to pick first, and then we’d go back and forth until they were all gone. And then we’d devour our selections before switching. And then, when we were out of books, we’d go back and do it all again.

This was how I learned about romance, about tropes, about over the top feel good feels and finding your true love. Of course, they were all het, and mostly white, and lots of ridiculous, awesome tropes. But we loved it. And there are certain things we remember to this day, still quote at each other as our own private jokes.

But as I said, this is what I thought romance was, and it was my goal to write one.

As I grew up and saw the whole world of romance before me, saw so many other stories out there that weren’t category romances, I expanded my horizons. I bought romance in droves, though I also learned of paranormal with a romance plot. So many books, so little time.

And I still wanted to write one. Did, in fact, write several. On paper with pens, just to get the stories out of my head.

Six or seven years ago, I finally stumbled on M/M romance, and I began to devour that. This is where I finally found my fit, my niche, where the stories really came alive. This was where I finally wrote a story I felt was worth publishing, or at least trying, and I’ve been doing it for more than three years now.

But I never lost the soft spot in my heart for category romances.

When Dreamspinner first announced the Dreamspun Desire line, I had a thought that perhaps, I’d write one. But I couldn’t quite get the tropey goodness that was a category romance to coalesce in my head. Which was fine. Because I was still writing my stories, and I could include some tropes.

But then, DsP expanded the Dreamspun line to include Beyond and Undercover. Undercover is mysteries and crimes, and sounds delicious. But Beyond? Contemporary paranormal? That right there is my true crack.

I’d long had the idea for Ghostwalker, and even began writing it at one point, though it didn’t solidify properly and went by the wayside. When I saw the call for this new line, my brain went into overdrive, bringing up this idea. Reminding me of all it could be. And changing it to what it should be. I put together a mini proposal and sent it in to see if DsP would be interested in the story. I started writing it, sent in my beginning, and waited to hear if it was right for the line or not.

Yesterday, I got the go ahead.

So it’s full steam ahead, all focus on, ready to go.

It’s both thrilling and scary to have a story requested by the publisher. Thrilling because they think that my boys and their story is right for the line, and that’s exhilarating. (Though by no means does it mean that they will contract the book.) Scary because there’s an expectation to meet, and I only have 20% of the story written at this point. But I get to include some of my very favorite tropes–like bonds and forced proximity and lust at first sight–with a different twist on ghosts and the spirit realm.

I’m excited about writing this one, even as I psych myself out, and I know I’ll have a blast writing it. I have a deadline and a word count to meet, and I’ll need to put on my very best author hat to get it accomplished. But I’m so looking forward to it.

And I hope you will too.

So yeah. Onward, right? Only way to move is forward.

So that’s what I shall do.

I’m waiting to hear on a few things. And I hate waiting. Waiting is really hard. And I’m also no good at it at all.

Writing is at a little bit of a standstill until I hear back on one of the things. Basically, I’ll find out if Ghostwalker has a deadline or not. If it does, then I need to write my butt off. If it doesn’t, then I can go at it at a more leisurely pace. And don’t have to worry about word count. Either way works just fine for me, but until I know for sure, I haven’t made much progress on it. Other than taking notes and continuing to plot. Which is good, because that needs to get done as well.

I have a few other plot bunnies and some thoughts about what I want to work on after. I’ve been going at a pretty good clip since this summer, when I finally got into the groove for Something Like Want. While part of me wouldn’t mind a break, I mostly want to keep that momentum going. This is the first time since August I haven’t had the next thing riding me to get my current story done, and that feels good. But it’s certainly not for lack of ideas. I have plenty of those.

I don’t make resolutions, because that’s a sure way for me to fail. But I do set goals, things I aim toward. The big things for me are more words on the page and not taking so much down time, both between projects and during writing sprints. I know the way I work best, and I’ve embraced that in the last year. But while I need to take a little breather time between projects, and even while I’m working on them, I need to get better at bouncing back and moving on. So that’s my goal for this year, so I can bring you more stories this year and next.

Watch this space for news.

I hope the new year treats you well, and that you find joy wherever you can.

So I’m sure you’ve heard the news about ARe.

The shocking, startling, out of the fucking blue news that they are closing. With three days notice. And only offering 10 cents on the dollar for 4th quarter royalties to authors who sold through them. Up until yesterday. If anything was sold today? Or in the next few days? Too bad for you, because they’re keeping it. If you have a book with ARe as the publisher? You’re really SOL because you get NO royalties in lieu of getting your rights back.

Utter. Bullshit.

Needless to say, I have pulled my self pub titles. Dreamspinner has pulled all their books as well. Not that the site is even working right now, because so many people are trying to take care of business before the 31st. Not that it seems to matter.

For me? As a self pub author with no clout? There’s not much I can do. I know a lot of lawyers, both from publishers and individuals, are being put on the case. Hopefully it will amount to something.

To put it bluntly, All Romance eBooks has screwed EVERYONE over. In the shittiest way possible.

(yes, I know I’m using language I don’t normally. But I think the occasion calls for it.)

It could be worse. It could be like Ellora’s Cave and Torquere and Silver who lied and strung people along. It could be like Samhain who said they were closing and then pulled a “ha just kidding” out of nowhere.

There’s no way they didn’t see this coming for months now, and they could have handled it far better than they did. ARe is a retailer first, but they are a publisher as well, and what they’ve done is despicable.

Though it was just this past January, not even a year ago, that Amber Quill announced it would be closing it’s doors. And they are the only ones who have done it right. They made the decision, they went about it professionally and respectfully. They paid us what was due. And rode off into the sunset with their heads held high. I’m even more grateful for that now than I was earlier this year.

Basically, it’s crap. It’s just so much garbage. And it sucks. And it’s discouraging. So very discouraging. Because it makes you wonder if there’s a point in trusting anymore?

So I’m gonna wallow in this for a couple of days. And be mad.

And then I’ll pick myself up, dust myself off, and see what’s next.

So.

2016, am I right?

What is there to say about this year? I’ve been alive for a good number of them now, and I can’t recall ever encountering a year quite like this. Despite the good that has happened, the bad far outweighs it. The sheer number of celebrity deaths is astounding, and I have to wonder if the same exorbitant number also happened to people we’ve never heard about. So many figures who have shaped our lives have passed, and the sadness that accompanies the mourning is great.

The political situation. Here in America. In England…I’ve made it a point to be as well educated in this area as I can be, and my paltry knowledge exceeds a lot of people in this regard, and even I don’t fully understand the deep ramifications these situations will produce. No one truly does, I think. Talk about a lasting impact. The years to come will be a dark and dangerous time.

Aleppo. The massacre at Pulse. The Dakota access pipeline. Flint’s water. People of color gunned down in cold blood. So many other terrible things…

Our world was forever changed this year. And not necessarily for the good.

My personal life hasn’t been all roses either. I don’t talk about my personal life a whole lot, and there are reasons for that. But it’s been trying as well. Issues with my older brother. A beloved uncle’s health is failing fast. The unstable and incredibly upsetting day job.

I know I’m not alone in waiting for this year to be over and sending fervent wishes into the universe the next year is far better.

I saw a Tweet I’m holding hope on, by Maureen Johnson, which read “Maybe 2016 is the year a lot of heroes were born and we just don’t know yet.”

But there is good. There are people who reach out a hand to those who need it, stand up when other’s can’t, give and give and give until they have nothing left and then give some more. We see it, and we’re seeing more of it. And that gives me hope too.

And the positives in my own life? I’ve knitted tons of things, for myself, which I love (and fed my yarn addiction an obscene amount). I’ve written five stories, published three, am waiting to hear on the other two, and have begun another. I self pubbed for the first time. My sales have been steadily climbing. My family is still here. I have some very close friends who support me and cheer me on, and mean the absolute world to me. A BFF who is unwavering in loyalty, straight talking, and love. I’m fairly healthy. I have furbabies who are a constant comfort, and a new puppy to shower with love.

The good and the bad are unbalanced right now, but I truly believe it will head back in the other direction. When? I can’t say for sure. But I know it will.

For all of you who have struggled this year, it is my sincerest wish is that next year is vastly better, and that each year that follows continues to improve.

Hang in there. Find joy where you can. Take care of yourself.